


Routine

by TynxCann



Series: Only a Routine [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AUish, Abuse, Angst, But it's there, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mild Fluff, Neglect, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Verbal Abuse, his family is pretty much made up since we don't know much about them, loving Karasuno family, mild romance, no relationship yet, not canon, only for a second, protect Tobio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 27,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1709912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TynxCann/pseuds/TynxCann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was Kageyama Tobio, this was his routine, and he wasn't going to let anyone get in the way of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He had a routine.

He'd wake up, yawn and stretch his body in bed before pulling the covers away from his body and dragging himself towards the bathroom.

He'd take a quick shower, brush his teeth and make himself look presentable as the dull look in his eyes quickly turned into a fiery passion.

He'd come out of the bathroom and back into his room, changing into his highschool uniform and brushing his hair flat, making sure the fringe on his forhead was perfect without a single strand out of place. He'd pack his bag with all the necessary items: books, paper, pencils, pens, cellphone, etc. The bag was slung over his shoulder before looking in the mirror, making sure nothing was out of place, especially making sure that his jacket was at the correct lenght to cover his lower body.

He'd nod to himself in the mirror, quickly turning away and hurrying downstairs, ignoring the pain that pulsated near his lower back.

He'd go downstairs, into the dining room where a box of cereal and a bowl full of milk laid on the table. Beside it a note that said "I'm going to be late today. Go to your father's." He cringed, crumpling up the note and throwing it into the trash can; dumping the milk into the sink and placing the box of cereal back into the pantry. Qucikly grabbing a granola bar and a small box of juice.

He'd hurry out of his home, locking the door and running down the streets to his school. It wasn't very far, but knowing that one guy, he definitely wanted to get there before he did.

The morning was cool and fresh, a slight breeze blowing in from the north as it tried to pull his scarf along with it. Summer was quickly changing to aututmn within a matter of weeks; but he didn't care, all he wanted to do was play volleyball. Even if he had the cold nipping on the sides of his cheeks, turning them a deep red. It only helped with numbing the pain that bore at his sides.

When he'd reach school, he would always hear tires screeching behind him, along with the desperate cries of a familiar red-head. Of course, it was him. There was a hill that the students needed to clear before reaching the scool, and this idiot always had to come in bike, never considering the speed he would go on the hills slope.

There was a yell and more curses before hearing a loud thump and a groan.

He'd turn around and scowl at the numbskull before him before turning away and walking towards the entrance to the school. Ignoring the red-head's plea to help him with his bike.

He would, if only his arms didn't ache and cracked under pressure.

If only he remebered to do what he was supposed to do, then maybe he wouldn't have been in this mess. Practice was going to be hell.

Class was the same. It was boring and uneventful. Nothing but lectures and useless information crammed into your skull, unecessary for anyone's future. He pretended to listen, but only ignored the teacher as he stared out the window, mind wandering to what he was going to make for supper tonight

Pasta? or hamburgers? What about soup? No, he didn't have the time, maybe ramen or something from outside. He didn't have the will to try and cook today.

The bell would ring and he'd immediately stand up. Shoving his things into his bag. He and the red-head would make eye-contact once outside in the halls before scurrying down towards the gym where all the other memebrs were waiting for practice.

He'd first go to the club room, change into his uniform at lightning speed, making sure no one saw him before speeding out before the red-head and towards the gym.

They'd practice and fall and yell and cheer and do all sorts of things before the coach blew the whistle, signaling that practice was finally over.

He'd groan and pant. Body aching and crying under every move he made. His back felt like a thousand needles were stabbing him. Lava burned his skin with every move and muscles spasmed and itched. It was painful, but he had to get over it.

The coach said a few words with the teacher telling them to get a good night's rest since tomorrow in the morning they were going to have a special meet up with all the other powerhouse schools they knew. Nekoma, Date Tech, Aobajousai, Fukurodani, Johzenji, and much more.

He nodded, and said his goodbyes, telling the team that today he had to hurry and get home.

They say their goodbyes, oblivious to the hand that pressed into his lower back. Maybe he pulled something, or he was just tired. This was him they were talking about, there's no way anything was wrong with him, right?

He packed his things and hurried home, going in the opposite direction from when he came to school. His mom and dad were divorced, having to live with his mom, but sometime's having to go with his dad on days like this. She was never home, he was never home, it was always the same, his dad was just a special case.

Entering the crumbled and smelly apartment he immediately tensed as he saw someone leaning against the wall.

He was home, but he was usually never home. He was here for that.

His father noticed him and smiled, standing up and wiping his face with his sleeve, placing the empty bottle on the table.

Words were said, things were yelled, but in the end, that man won.

He got what he needed, crumpled up the bills into his pocket and gave his son a wave before stepping out of the apartment and towards the "bad" side of town.

He groaned and sniffled. Tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He laid on the floor, limbs twitching and left eye pulsating. His back had finally become numb. There was a good chance that the bump was even bigger. It must have spread upwards as his middle back arched when he tried to relax on the ground. He was sure that the bruise on his face was going to turn purple, showing that ugly side of him to his teammates and rivals. Maybe he should have just given him the money without a fight. Now how was he going to explain this to his teammates?

He'd just lie. He fell, he tripped, he something.

They didn't have to know.

Because if they did, then they would pity him, and those people would take him away from his teammates.

He didn't want to leave. He was okay. He only had two years to deal with this, only two years of highschool before he was finally home free.

It was okay, it was okay, he was okay.

Because he was Kageyama Tobio.

And this was his routine.


	2. Chapter 2

On this morning Kageyama awoke with the sun shining on his face and the smell of alcohol clogging up his nose. He blinked his eyes several times, trying to get the morning dirt and the morning sun out of his eyes. A heavy pain throbbed from his middle and lower backside; possibly a million needles stabbing him with the intent to kill.

He groaned and sighed, hummed and clicked his tongue. Rolling over two times so he was facing the wooden floor, he cautiously beginning to push his body from the floor. It was painful and much more work than it needed to be; his body shook like wet a dog in winter, and his legs buckled below him from the uncomfortable position he slept in. The veins around his bruised eye pulsated, twitching and throbbing around a large ball of purple which was his eye. Tears fell but he ignored them and the salty taste that came into his mouth; it was time to get up.

Finally standing up, Kageyama look down at the floor and realized that for five hours he slept in the entryway that connected the kitchen/dining room to the hallway. There was crease that separated both parts of the apartment, and he just had the pleasure of laying his swollen back against that for five hours straight.

Great, more reasons to hate himself and all the stupid things he does. Maybe he's unconsciously trying to destroy his back and any chance of having a future. Maybe then his mom will finally look at him.

Sighing once again Kageyama gave the crease a quick glare before turning away and gliding towards the bathroom. Although it was a Saturday morning his team had a practice meeting/match/ let-the-other-team-spy-on-us thing where all teams they've battle or met so far come together so they could get to know one another and learn new moves from each other, and blah, blah, blah. Takeda and the coach just kept spewing things about learning, and getting along and stuff; he was surprised he didn't sleep throughout their speech.

Oh well, as long as it involves volleyball he's okay with it.

Reaching the bathroom Kageyama went to grab the doorknob, but was immediately frozen on spot by the sound of someone lurching on the opposite side of the door.

His blood ran cold, eyes dilated and body shook with terrible tremors that could rival any earthquake.

He was home early, way too early for his liking.

Pulling back his hand Kageyama took a few steps back, accidentally tripping over his feet and falling on his butt. He ignored the pain; eyes darting forward at the door handle which shook before being pulled back to reveal the very human being that brought him nightmares.

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, but only seconds.

Kageyama bit the inside of his cheek to stop the cries from slipping through his mouth; the man smiled and stepped closer to his son.

He leaned down and whispered something into his son's ear, a slight chill creeping up the setter's back.

The man stood and patted Kageyama on the back and strode down the hallway, towards the entryway where he wouldn't be seen him for another day or two.

The door was slammed shut and the apartment fell silent. Only the heavy breathing of one petrified volleyball player could be heard.

After his slight encounter with his father, Kageyama rushed throughout the house, trying to get ready as humanly possible.

He brushed his hair, his teeth, packed his bag and made himself look presentable. He didn't eat breakfast, ignoring the grumbling of his stomach and instead slammed the door behind him as his feet patted through the gravel towards the school grounds.

He barely made it in time, but was happy to see that his teammates waited a couple minutes before leaving him.

They were really too good for him.

"Hey Kageyama, where were you? You're late," asked Tanaka, hands waving at Kageyama as he got inside the bus. The 2nd year gave Kageyama a quick look before darting forward in his seat and alerting the whole bus of a dire predicament. "What the hell happened to your eye?!" shrieked the male.

After hearing that the whole team- or probably the whole world- turned to look at Kageyama who was sweating bullets from all the attention he was suddenly getting. After laying their sights on Kageyama half of the team began pestering their first year setter about what happened to his eye, while the other half (Tsukishima) began teasing him for being stupid enough to get a black eye on a very important day.

Tsukishima commented by saying that he expected Hinata to be the one get screwed over, not Kageyama. Cue in a whining Hinata and a nervous Yamaguchi who was trying to break up the fight. Nishinoya tried to reassure Kageyama, along with Asahi who only rambled on and on about unimportant things. Daichi sighed and tried asking for answers, Tanaka sat back and laughed, and Sugawara stepped forward to carefully investigate his eye. Coach Ukai told him to be more careful next time, Shimizu brought over the first-aid while Yachi panicked, and Takeda-sensei tried helping by applying ice to the bruise.

All in all, chaos erupted throughout the bus, which originally brought the team's scheduled departure to be pulled back. Inevitably making Karasuno over thirty minutes late to their match/meeting/ whatever the hell this was.

A huge lump stuck in the back of Kageyama's throat because of this.

"But seriously, how did you get that bruise? It looks really painful," stated Tanaka, finally getting over his fit of laughter.

"Heh, I bet the king tripped over his feet and fell," teased Tsukishima.

"Don't worry Kageyama, I do that all the time!" yelled the red-head, failing in trying to reassure his raven-haired partner.

"Did someone do this to you?" asked Sugawara. Out of all of them he was closest to the million dollar prize. It wasn't a surprise that he was spot on; Sugawara was the one who looked out for the team the most, so it would be obvious that he'd have a keen eye for things such as his team and things involving their health.

Swallowing the lump in his throat Kageyama opened his mouth to say a few words, to say those words which would finally free him of this never ending nightmare. To say those words that would save him and finally make him a free man.

He opened his mouth and said "I didn't watch where I was going and hit a pole," before closing it and feel that same lump lodge in his throat.

Everyone accepted Kageyama's excuse and sat down.

Kageyama sat down as well, with his body slouched forward and feet tapping erratically at the floor. He bit his lower lip as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Only one thought ran through his mind, and that was “ _why didn’t I tell them?_ ”


	3. Chapter 3

There was silence and chaos on the bus.

Silence because half of the teammates were leaning against the cool glass of the window. Their eyes trying to flutter open and stay awake on the smooth bus ride. Hot breaths lingered against the glass making it fog up and block their vision of the outside world. Some fought until the end, not wanting to give in to sleep and be the source of another prank that involved marker all over their face. The others lost the battle. Tsukishima was already snickering in delight as he uncapped the marker and began instructing Yamaguchi to follow along and draw a little mustache along Tanaka's face.

Chaos because of Hinata. Although it was established that the red-head wasn't as nervous about matches and such after having a little talk with Kageyama and a few encouraging words from his team, that still didn't change the fact that when meeting other powerhouse schools, he couldn't help but feel a little rumble in his stomach. Instead of sitting in his seat and panicking, he traveled all over the bus, speaking with other teammates and hoping their words could calm his nerves down a little before arriving to their destination.

Tsukishima only made it worse with a few side comments, Nishinoya was also drawing on Tanaka's face, Sugawara and Daichi were careful with what they said since their words could either help or destroy their teammate.

Kageyama sat in the middle section of the bus, simply staring with dull eyes as Hinata wandered around a couple of times before being scolded for standing while the vehicle was moving. He gave the coach a quick bow and apology before sitting down at a random spot.

Coincidentally that was right beside Kageyama. The raven ignored the red-head and turned to stare outside the window. His backside still gave tiny shocks of pain when he shifted around his seat, and his eye throbbed uncontrollably. Frankly it was annoying and painful at the same time, but he didn't see any reason to complain as there were others who were in worse situations than him. It was only a slight bruise, nothing that time and treatment couldn't heal.

After sitting in silence for several minutes with his rambunctious teammate the red-head noticed that the air was getting too thick and chose to cut it with a knife. A knife with a very dull blade.

"Hey Kageyama." It was a simple greeting, a conversation starter. "Did you really hit your face against a pole?" But it was also the stupidest question he could have ever asked. Either he was really dense, or just unaware of the glare Kageyama gave him when asked that question.

Silence followed until he finally opened his mouth. "Yeah."

A loud laugh erupted beside him. "Seriously? Poor Kageyama-kun, you should watch where you're going," grinned Hinata.

A vein popped on Kageyama's forehead, he instantly took Hinata's head in one hand and began crushing it under his strength.

"Owowowow! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Not the iron claw!" shrieked Hinata. After prying Kageyama's hand away from his head the red-head scooted away from Kageyama and tried giving him an intimidating glare, which only did the opposite.

Kageyama almost smiled at how Hinata tried to look tough, but looked much cuter with that pout and suspicious eyes he gave.

Key word being "almost".

He was too scared to even give a smile out of fear for being seen as strange or crazy. It wasn't in his character to do such strange things, and if he started now who knows what his teammates might say behind his back. He didn't want to feel that pain anymore, so it was best to keep the mask on and his feeling lumped inside.

"You wanna go, huh? I'll take you on!" the red-head was now making odd hand gestures, probably something he copied from Tanaka.

Kageyama raised an eyebrow and shook his head. He turned to look back out the window and watch the scenery as it slowly disappeared behind him.

Silence was once again brought to the bus, along with a little chaos. Tanaka finally woke up and was now making a ruckus at the back. Daichi got up from his seat and began scolding his teammates and the coach sat at the front shaking his head with the teacher laughing at his student's antics.

Hinata made himself comfortable in his seat and closed his eyes. Slowly, and very slowly his head drifted to the side and laid itself along Kageyama's shoulder.

Kageyama chose not to notice and dealt with the uncomfortable position. Even if his back felt broken, if it involved Hinata, he would deal with the pain and pretend he didn't notice anything.

It was a peaceful and chaotic ride.


	4. Chapter 4

After sitting in an uncomfortable position for what seemed like hours, Kageyama was finally able to give a sigh of relief as the bus finally came to a stop in front of a gymnasium. This was where the team, along with others from around the area, were going to have a some kind of practice match/meet-up/whatever the hell it was- the coach really didn't give the finest explanation on the topic, but that was most likely because he left before the coach even had the time to explain.

The occupants on the bus heaved and groaned, stretching their sore limbs from the long bus ride. The first to step out was Tanaka and Nishinoya, along with Hinata trailing behind.

Kageyama frowned when his only source of heat left him, but was at least glad that he didn't have to sit with an unbearable pain pulsing in his backside. Although, he did have to admit, Hinata's sleepy and drooling face was a sight he could never regret seeing.

Not that he'd say it out loud.

After the coach and Takeda-sensei stepped out of the bus they began by first herding the whole team together; Hinata and Nishinoya giving a whine about wanting to run around the place while Tsukishima murmured "idiots," under his breath. He explained some rules, guidelines, and notified them of several things before letting them run free and into the building where the other teams would be waiting.

Hinata was first to dash through the doors with the other following behind. Kageyama didn't have the energy to try and outrun Hinata; his back was telling him other things and his headache that bred throughout the bus ride was not helping at all. Somehow the outside felt hotter than what the news informed, but it was probably just his imagination.

"Aren't you going to go in Kageyama?"

The raven was immediately snapped out of his trance by the unsurprising question. Turning around Kageyama noticed Takeda-sensei standing before him with a questioning look.

"Everyone already went inside," he informed.

Scanning the area Kageyama saw this to be true as it was only him and his teacher still standing outside in the cool air.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't notice." Giving his teacher a bow Kageyama sprinted towards the building, trying to seem as normal as possible without giving away the pain on his back.

Takeda frowned in confusion, but thought against the horrible things that spurred his mind. He was probably just out of it today, nothing much.

Kageyama entered the building and into the gym where his and other teams where greeting each other.

Hinata chatting with Kenma and Lev, Sugawara and Daichi talking with some other team's captain, Tsukishima trying to avoid Kuroo and others spreading chaos around the area.

He sighed.

He really didn't feel like playing today, which was a miracle since he usually had nothing else in mind but volleyball. Probably just the cold getting to him.

"Well, if it isn't my un-cute kouhai."

A voice that Kageyama dreaded cut through the room like a knife. Swirling to the side Kageyama frowned, spotting none other than Oikawa.

"Now don't give me that look, it makes you—whoa, whoa. What happened to your face Tobio?" Whatever comment he was going to make was stopped by a pair of eyes landing on his bruised face.

"Just hit a pole," growled Kageyama.

Oikawa burst into laughter. "Seriously?! Ha, who would have thought that you were capable of such things."

Somehow the way he spoke that sentence did not sit well with Kageyama. It sounded as if he were teasing him, in a non-friendly way.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Kageyama.

"Nothing much, you just didn't seem like the pole-hitting type." Drapping his arm around Kageyama's shoulder he gave his younger a smile. "Although you were always out of it in junior high, such a brat, always whining about how much your body hurt. Such a cry baby."

Kageyama frowned and threw Oikawa away from him.

Ignoring any other comments made, Kageyama snuck away from his elder and towards Hinata who he believed would save him of any other human interactions. He stood wearily beside the smaller as he continued to make friends with the other players. Somehow the smiling face of the red-head made his stomach churn. Hinata didn't make that face when he was around Kageyama, and when he did, there were most likely other people in the room.

His chest suddenly felt heavy, the headache fell and rose like and array of mountains. His eye suddenly cracked in pain and a huge lump lodged itself in his throat. The room suddenly started spinning and all other occupants in the room turned blurry and faceless.

Nothing was recognizable.

Not the net, not the volleyballs, and especially not Hinata's smiling face.

His world turned dark in a matter of minutes; only the sound of his name being called before falling to the floor with a loud thud.

It all felt very familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is going to be a slow development throughtout this story so don't expect things to go quickly.
> 
> That is all for now, thank you for reading and I hope to see you soon. I would really like it if you could comment on your thoughts so far, it would really mean a lot to me.
> 
> Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

It was quiet, almost too quiet.

His head throbbed with pain, almost as if a thousand needles were stabbing him and injecting some kind of chemicals into his brain. The pain was sharp and quick, escalating and then dropping before reaching another high point and making Kageyama flinch in surprise. He grit his teeth and clutched his head as if it was his only way to support the pain. By now he was wide awake; the minutes, hours or amount of time he took sleeping was only able to control the headache for so long before it became intolerable and awoke him from his slumber.

It hurt.

It was painful.

It was familiar. It brought memories; ones that made him shudder and rub the corner of his eyes.

He groaned and sighed heavily, hoping that a bit of friction will calm down his headache, even if it was for only a second. He thought that sleep was supposed to make the headaches go away, not make them worse. Maybe this showed the extent of how badly he was messed up.

Another shock hit him; breaking his limits and making him sit up instantly. The headache fell and he breathed a sigh of relief. Rubbing his forehead one last time Kageyama deemed it safe enough to open his eyes and began scanning the area for his whereabouts.

The first thing he noticed was that he lay on a bed, a pure-white bed with a blue sheet draped around his lap. The room was dark with the only light shining in through the hidden corners of the window's blinds. An orangey-yellow light streaked in, with several rays hitting his body, and thankfully missing his eyes. Kageyama rubbed his eyes and tried letting them adjust to the room, but was stopped by the sudden noise that came from outside. The door to the room clicked open with the first-year manager, Yachi, entering while holding a medicine bottle.

"Ah, you're awake." Shaking the bottle she scurried over to Kageyama's side and placed a hand on his forehead.

"What happened?" he asked. The contents of his mind were still scrambled, any memories before waking up seemed blurry and out of place.

Pouring the contents of the medicine into a spoon Yachi held it out for Kageyama who opened his mouth and drank the sweet liquid. "You suddenly fainted in the gym when we got here. Everyone panicked and the coach brought you here to rest. It seemed that you had a fever and fainted because of that."

"Oh." Kageyama wanted to desperately hit himself. He fainted; he fainted in front of everyone and made himself look weak. This wasn't supposed to happen, he was supposed to be strong and in top shape; not weak with a fever.

"Everyone was really worried, especially Hinata, he was holding tightly onto your hand while yelling. It was cute." Yachi smiled and set the medicine bottle on the bedside table. "I'm going to go tell everyone that you woke up. Don't move from that spot, okay?" She commanded before stepping out of the room.

Kageyama nodded. Pulling the blue sheet up on his body he lay back down and turned in the opposite direction so he was facing the window. The room once again fell into silence and only the rays of light kept the room lit. The headache slowly dissipated and the pain that etched itself in his lower and middle backside seemed to have numbed itself. His eye no longer throbbed and any other feeling was gone making it as if he was healthy from any ailment.

Well, almost. It was still there, just hidden from all the medicine and rest he took.

Kageyama sighed and pulled the blanket closer to his face. It smelled like it was just out of the washer, nice and clean. He took a deep breath and snuggled closer into his sheets. His mind was getting blurry, making his eyelashes heavy and ready for another nap.

The room was silent, but was quickly overtaken by footsteps.

Sitting up in bed Kageyama gave a glare to the door that was slammed open. He almost opened his mouth to yell at whoever dared interrupt his silence, but was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around his neck. The words he was about to say fell silent, his mouth open in shock at what was happening. Heat radiated from the occupant and the smell of sweat reached his nose. Red hair tickled his face and a bit of the sweat licked his shirt and face making them wet. Kageyama sat frozen, unable to comprehend what was happening.

"Idiot," mumbled Hinata. He hugged Kageyama tighter and dug his face into the raven's neck.

Kageyama didn't hug back. Didn't move his body to comfort the smaller; simply uttering "you really are a dumbass," before the room fell into silence.


	6. Chapter 6

It only lasted ten seconds before Hinata deemed it safe enough to let go of Kageyama and come face to face with the disgusted look of the setter. Even though it was moments ago when they were hugging it out like their lives depended on it (mostly Hinata), Kageyama couldn't deny the fact that Hinata- the one who was dowsed in sweat from top to bottom- had shared some of his sweat and fumes with the setter; now making them both sweaty and smelly.

Kageyama's shirt was stained in the front with sweat from the other, and his face was wet as if a dog had tried to lick him clean, but done the opposite of what was intended.

All in all Kageyama wasn't very happy with this predicament and as a punishment decided to give Hinata's a quick hit that resounded through the empty room.

"You idiot, look what you did," he growled, holding the collar of his shirt and the wet spot away from his body.

"It was an accident, you don't have to hit me for it!" whined Hinata. He held the top of his head that was now sporting a bruise and gave fake crocodile tears to his taller friend. "Besides, you deserve it you turd!"

"What was that?" Not pleased with the nickname Hinata gave him Kageyama stood up from the bed, ignoring all other cries from his body, and strode towards Hinata.

"Well it's true! It's your fault for getting sick."

"I can't control something like that dumbass!"

"Well... it's still your fault." Biting his bottom lip Hinata turned to look in the other direction; his fists clenched and his nails dug into his skin. "You suddenly fainted and I didn't know what to do. I was so scared that I'd lose you, I just didn't know what to do."

Silence followed for several seconds before a sigh fell from Kageyama's lips. Rubbing the back of his neck he took another step forward with alerted Hinata, making him look up at the setter with confused eyes.

Kageyama ignored the little voice in the back of his head that encouraged him to do something elicit, and instead placed his hand on top of the red-head's hair. Hinata flinched at the contact but showed no signs of pulling away. Kageyama took this as a sign to continue and began patting the smaller's head. Rubbing the soft tuff of hair- going in circles, massaging his scalp, and simply laying it in the sweaty mess that no matter what continued to have its soft features. Almost like touching a cloud.

"I'm not going anywhere, it was just a fever," said Kageyama through the silence.

Hinata who had a tint of red on his cheeks nodded. "Good, because if you ever leave I'll tell Tanaka-senpai so he can drag you back!"

Kageyama wanted to laugh, but kept his straight face. "Yeah, I bet he'll just tie me up and literally drag me back."

Hinata who wasn't afraid to express his emotions giggled at the thought. That bright smile like sun once again grazed his face, making all other ill thoughts in the room disappear in thin air. The tension was immediately cut by the ray of light called Hinata's smile and for one second, Kageyama truly wished that this moment could last a life time.

"Kageyama are you-ah, you seem to be fine."

Their moment seemed to have been interrupted by Sugawara entering the room along with Daichi and Takeda-sensei. As soon as the three men spotted the first-years a serene smile fell on their face at the how close the bickering idiots were getting.

Kageyama noticed this and snatched his hand from Hinata's head; taking a few steps back in the process.

Hinata stood oblivious to everything and simply continued to smile.

"Kageyama, are you better now?" asked their teacher. "Does your head hurt? Is there still a fever?"

"No, I'm okay. I only needed to rest."

"But still, that sure was a surprise," interrupted Daichi. "Please be careful and try to take care of your body more, we don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Hinata's face fell and Sugawara noticed this. Stepping forward he tried to change the topic. "So are you hungry? You were asleep for a long time; Shimizu-san made us something to eat before going home."

Both first-years face lit up at the thought of food, their stomachs growling in unison.

"Well since it's obvious that you both are hungry, let's go down to the cafeteria and eat something."

Everyone in the room nodded and followed their teacher down to the cafeteria. Sugawara and Daichi chatting along the way with Kageyama and Hinata walking side by side in silence. The only thing noteworthy about them was the fact that Hinata glanced at Kageyama several times with the taller sticking closer than usual the rest of the way. They chose not to talk of what happened in the room and keep it as a secret.

Their own little secret.

* * *

 Once the rest of the Karasuno team reached the cafeteria everyone waved at their sick teammate while asking a few questions here and there, but the raven only answered with one word sentences as his brain wasn't ready to process anything without a satisfied stomach. He and Hinata sat down at a table with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, ignoring anything snide comments the blond made, and ate the rest of the day away.

It seemed like all other teams left a while ago, only leaving Karasuno at the gym to have dinner before having to leave as well.

Hinata and Kageyama ate like crazy, Tsukishima stared disgusted at their unending appetite, and Yamaguchi tried to catch "Tsukki's" attention. Tanaka and Nishinoya were preaching Shimizu's wonderful cooking while Enoshita sighs at their antics. Asahi tries to control Nishinoya while Daichi tries to ignore his rowdy teammates and Sugawara laughs happily, commenting on how this is like a little family. Coach Ukai sits in the corner with Takeda, and Shimizu and Yachi sat at the other end talking with each other.

Everything seemed peaceful in terms of what happened on the bus, and Kageyama liked that.

After finishing their meal the team piled into the bus and rode in silence back home. The occasional snore and sleep-talk here and there. Mostly everyone was asleep and awaiting to reach the comfort of their homes.

Kageyama for once couldn't wait to go home, he simply wanted to fall into bed and have an eternal slumber that lasted for centuries. Thankfully today he didn't have to stay at his dad's and suffer through another night of dirty floors and smell of alcohol clogging up his nose. His dad took enough money to last a couple days in town; he probably wouldn't have been home anyways. Same concept with his mother, although she was rich and with a furnished house, she had work to deal with instead of taking care of her teenage son who she neglects on a daily basis.

Kageyama sighs and looks out the window.

Family. What a foreign word.

Karasuno. Mom. Dad.

Sugawara was right; Karasuno was more of a family than his actual parents. It was nice, it was comforting, and it was pleasant.

Sugawara can be the mom, Daichi the dad, Tanaka and Nishinoya the annoying uncles nobody liked, Asahi the uncle that got taken advantage of, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi the cousins, Shimizu his elder sister, Yachi was like a younger sister, Ukai and Takeda the grandparents. It was all one big happy family; plus, although Kageyama didn't want to admit, just for the sake of this one fantasy, Hinata was his sun.

He could have been his brother, his cousin, or anything else- but deep down inside he didn't want to be related to the red-head.

As much as Kageyama wanted a family, he also wanted a sun. So for just this time, Hinata was his sun and the rest of Karasuno was his family. Nothing else mattered but that.


	7. Chapter 7

He was frozen.

Stiff as cardboard and body numb. He felt like falling down and crying, hoping that the words that were uttered just seconds ago were only a lie; a false illusion conjured up by his sick mind that only lived to make him suffer. Those words weren't real; his hearing must have gone bad. It was probably the fever getting to him- he suddenly felt cold once again, his mind going hazy and body slightly shaking as Kageyama tried to gain control from becoming a sobbing mess.

It wasn't possible, this couldn't be happening.

"Kageyama, are you okay? I was just wondering if I could come to your house to inform your parents of what happened today, I believe they should know of their son's health."

It wasn't lie. It was real, so very real.

His teacher wanted to go to his house, the one place he hoped none would ever see. His teacher wanted to meet his parents, his mom and his dad. The very people who were supposed to love him, the very people who abandoned him since a child and given up on ever raising a child, much less a human being.

Days and days of sitting at home in darkness as he waited for either his father or mother- depending on whose house he was staying at. Staring at nothing but a blank ceiling with his body on the cold floor, or when lucky, on his bed at his mother's. Only silence filling the room and the occasional ticking of the clock from across the hall. His eyes would wander around the room, looking for something to keep him occupied, but found nothing. His room was filled with nothing. The living room at his father's house only had a single TV, nothing else.

There was nothing to keep him occupied. There was no one to keep him company. There was nothing to do. Nothing, but the silence.

His father, an alcoholic who abused his son when he felt like it; who took his son's money and used it to gamble for a couple bottles of beer. His father who was no longer his father, but a stranger he only saw rarely, always smiling and swaying all over the place. A glint always filled his eyes when he saw Kageyama, and another bruise always covered his body when he got what he needed.

He wasn't his father.

His mother, an elite woman who believed in nothing but money and work. She was never there, not since he was little, not since she got that promotion and forgot all about the son she had. She travels, she smiles in the pictures with her clients, and she shows them new patterns with bright colors and shades of different colors. The fabrics are cool or warm, soft and silky against the touch of his skin. There are buttons and zippers crowded around her office, and he can't help but be mesmerized by the displays and intricate designs.

She smiles when a new dress is made. She frowns when he walks into her office and asks her a question.

His mother is not his mother.

His teacher wants to meet his parents. His parents who are not his parents. His parents who might not be home, who are not home, who leave him alone. His parents who have abandoned their only child.

Kageyama's blood runs cold. He feels his mouth go dry and the words that rest on the top of his tongue go missing as he says nothing but bites his bottom lip anxiously. Takeda waits for an answer and he takes his time responding.

"Kageyama? Are you okay? You look pale." He leans forward resting his hand on Kageyama's forehead. "You seem a little warm."

The raven's eyes shoot up, shaking the hand away from his forehead. "I'm okay, just a bit sleepy."

His teacher doesn't question him. "Very well, but I would still like to meet your parents, if possible."

Kageyama blinks and tries to find the right words to help him in this situation. "My parents might be busy right now, since they work a lot- maybe another time!" He doesn't ask but pleads.

Takeda hums and sighs heavily. "Very well, but it would be nice to meet them sometime."

"Yeah." Their conversation end at that and the bus ride fall into silence.

Kageyama sighs and rests his head against the window. He feels sleepy, but keeps his eyes awake. The glass is cool against his skin and wonders if it will help cool his anxiety, even just a bit.

* * *

The door clicks open and Kageyama is greeted by a rare sight. His mom is in the living room, packing item into a suitcase and talking into a phone simultaneously. The person on the phone says something which makes his mother laugh. Her smile looks pleasant and Kageyama stares at it long enough to keep it engraved in his mind.

After a few seconds she spots him and immediately frowns in disgust.

"Hey I'm going to have to call you later, bye." She hangs up and puts the phone down, returning to folding her items into her suitcase.

Kageyama stands at the entranceway and continues to stare at his mother. She ignores him and continues to pack her things.

"Mom?"

She looks up for only a second before grabbing a shirt and folding it.

"Where are you going?"

She says nothing and rolls up two shirts.

"I fainted while in volleyball practice."

She sighs and zips up the suitcase.

"I might still have a fever so maybe yo can-!"

"Tobio," her voice sounds rough and demanding. Kageyama can't help but flinch and look up at her with pleading eyes. "It's been a long day, I have to go and catch my plane."

Saying nothing more she grabs the suitcase and rolls it towards the entrance. Kageyama steps to the side and watches his mother put on her shoes and a thin jacket. She glances back at her son for only a second before stepping out of the house.

"I love-!"

The door slams shut and Kageyama is left alone. He plays with the hem of his shirt and vaguely wonders if by turning on the air conditioner, the cold could numb the pain in his chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts so far?


	8. Chapter 8

Today Kageyama awoke to the sound of his cellphone ringing in his ears.

The ringing persisted for several seconds until he finally decided to stop ignoring it and check who was calling him on so early in the morning. He didn't checks the caller ID, instead pressing the answer button and moving the phone as far as way from his ear as possible. On the other line a loud dumbass screeched like a banshee about incoherent things.

"Kageyama! Wake up already, we have to go and-! Ah! Tsukishima let go of me!"

There was struggling on the other end with yells of anger from a red-head, and screams of excitement from Nishinoya. Asahi could be heard trying to calm down the smaller, with the usual commanding voice by Daichi who tried to keep everyone in check. Tanaka sounded far off, but if you listened closely, you could hear a threatening voice trying to intimidate some bystanders.

"Oi, King, hurry up already, I want to get away from these people as soon as possible!"

"You didn't have to come! Why did we invite you?!"

"Hey! I invited Tsukki!"

"Nishinoya, I don't want to watch something scary!"

"Come on Asahi, I'm sure you'll like it."

"Eh? You wanna fight?"

"Tanaka, stop that!"

It was complete and utter chaos. Kageyama couldn't comprehend what was happening, and didn't understand why his teammates were calling him at such a random moment. He had no recollection of ever agreeing to go somewhere with them; that is if his headache decided to erase some very important details.

Sighing he pressed his phone to his face and spoke. "So, what is it that you wanted me for?"

It took a while for someone to respond, but luckily Daichi was able to control everyone and continue on to other matters. Sugawara pried the phone from Tsukishima's and Hinata's hands and began talking. "Sorry about that, things are a bit hectic here."

"I could hear that," pointed out Kageyama.

"Yes so, we were just calling to make sure that you were coming to the movies or not, it's about to show in five minutes and you're still not here."

Yup, his headache just liked messing with his head and all the important things he stored in there. He still couldn't remember when he agreed to go to the movies, but since they are calling to remind him, then it is possible he agreed sometime a while ago.

Even if it did sound tempting to go to the movies and relax a bit, watch some action or horror with a tub of popcorn in his hands; his aching body had other ideas. Last night, after taking some medicine he immediately went off to bed and slept like a log until his team had to go and wake him up so early in the morning- even if it was eleven, Kageyama had a hard time sleeping last night. His headache may have disappeared, but the pain didn't seem like it was going anywhere anytime soon.

Besides, the movie was going to air in five minutes and he didn't want to make his teammates wait until the next session; it was better if he lied and decided to not go.

"Sorry senpai but I won't be able to go."

"Really? Why? We even choose that one movie you wanted to watch. You know that one horror movie."

Ah, Smiley, the new movie that just came out everyone has been raving about. Supposedly it's very scary and has a lot of dark and psychological scenes in it. Since Kageyama is a fan of horror and psychological stuff he's been talking about the movie for weeks and how he wanted to go watch it- with an adult of course, it was rated R.

"I don't feel good; I think my fever is still bad. You guys go without me, its okay."

"Are you sure?" The tone in Sugawara's voice sounded concerned. It was nearly impossible to lie to him- he was like a human-lie detector.

"I'm sure."

"Well okay, if you say so. Just stay home and rest, okay?"

A smile spread on Kageyama's face. Sugawara was always very concerned with his teammates, even being classified as a mother. It felt natural and calming to know that someone cared about his health.

"Okay," he responded.

Ending the call Kageyama flopped back down on his bed and groaned heavily into the sheets. The time was 11:30AM and Kageyama still didn't want to get up. His bed was soft and comfortable, almost like a cloud that just sucked him in. He didn't want to move a single inch, instead entangling himself in the softness of his sheets and wrapping his blanket around his legs while hugging one of the spare pillows. The sun was washing was in through the window that stood directly in front of him, but right now that wasn't a priority; the warmth was only lulling him to sleep.

After laying like that for what seemed like hours, Kageyama actually lost consciousness for a couple minutes before being awaken by the sound of his doorbell ringing.

He groaned into his pillow and threw and the sheets off of his body. The doorbell still continued to ring but he took his time, pacing himself as he walked down the stairs and towards the front door that was still being rung by his rude guest.

"Who could it be?" he wondered.

Not bothering to check the peephole, Kageyama simply opened the door and practically gasped at what he saw.

"Yo, we heard you weren't feeling well," said a smiling Tanaka.

Right there, in front of his house stood his teammates with equally smiling and annoyed looks on their faces (mostly Tsukishima).

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Since you didn't want to come to the movies, we decided to bring the movies to you!" answered Hinata; in his hands he held three horror movies. "Now move it, we have to go and prepare." Inviting himself in Hinata immediately made a beeline for the kitchen and bellowed for Tanaka and Nishinoya to hurry up with the popcorn.

"I only came since I had nothing better to do. Might as well check out the King's royal castle," snickering Tsukishima walked past Kageyama and made himself comfortable on the couch.

The raven sent the blond a simple glare before directing his attention to the rest of his team. Outside his door Sugawara still stood with a smile on his face.

"Did you do this?" asked Kageyama.

Sugawara nodded. "Without one of our members it isn't the same. Now come on, I heard Hinata rented Silent Hill, I never saw that one before so I'm hoping it's good." Entering his house Sugawara made his way to the kitchen to help the fumbling idiots with the popcorn.

Kageyama still stood in the entryway, shocked and a little happy with his current situation. Maybe today was going to be a really good day.

"Kageyama, how do you work this microwave?!"

"Dumbass, that's the oven!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please inform me of any grammar mistakes and thank you for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

It  _was_  becoming a good day that is until Hinata almost destroyed his microwave.

"Who the hell puts popcorn still inside the box in the microwave?" demanded Kageyama.

"I don't know! I thought that by putting them all in we wouldn't have to waste time microwaving all the popcorn," answered Hinata.

"While still inside the box?"

"...Sometimes you just do crazy stuff without even thinking. Your body just moves accordingly to your priorities, and my priority was to microwave some popcorn 'cause I was so hungry."

"So you admit that you don't think?" bellowed Tsukishima from the living room.

"Shut up!"

Kageyama simply sighed and decided to ignore his arguing teammates and go back to microwaving the popcorn that Hinata almost ruined. Luckily he stopped the red-head from actually turning the machine on or else who knows what might have happened to his only source of heating food. The only good thing is that came out of this is that now he knows to never let that small ball of energy near a kitchen ever again; who knows what kind of chaos he'll cause.

"Hey Kageyama, where's the remote for the DVD player?"

"It should be near the bookshelf."

He heard the sound of feet pattering and war cries come from his living room before a very audible "I win," reached his ears. A slight smile grazed his lips just thinking about the battle for the remote his teammates were having in the living room. It was pretty funny and ridiculous once he actually simulated the whole thing in his mind, but he suddenly found himself realizing something.

Teammates? Shouldn't he consider them something more? All this time Kageyama has only been referring to them as his team, but somehow it doesn't seem right considering they hang out a lot more. Shouldn't he level up from being just teammates to something more like friends? Or very possibly that dusty word he hasn't used in forever- family.

They could quite possibly be his  _actual_  family- although he does wish for that red-head to be something much different.

As much as he wanted to muse on this thought, right now wasn't the right time. Tanaka and Nishinoya were telling him to hurry up with the popcorn and Daichi just announced that the movie was starting. So with the speed of a hurricane Kageyama emptied the contents of the bag into a few bowls and had Sugawara help him hand them out before seating himself on the couch.

"What took you so long? Had second thoughts about giving food to peasants?" said the blond with a snide smirk on his face.

Kageyama gave his blond teammate (because he wasn't so sure if he wanted the tall teen as a family member) the tongue before directing his attention back to the flashing screen.

It seemed like- yes, they were going to watch Silent Hill the horror movie, and to make things even more exciting they even turned off the lights and shut the curtains to create a real movie theatre experience.

Daichi and Sugawara sat in the love seat that laid to the right of the TV; they both watched the movie expectantly as the beginning credits were rolling in. Tsukishima sat on the leather chair that was parallel to the love seat with a bored expression on his face and a fidgeting Yamaguchi sitting on the floor in front of him. Kageyama sat on one end of the couch that sat in front of the TV with a trembling Hinata besides him and a smiling Tanaka on the other end; his legs sprawled on top of both first-years thighs. Nishinoya sat in front of the TV, stuffing his face with popcorn while Asahi sat beside him with his hands covering his face in fear.

It was all one big get together and Kageyama couldn't help but feel excited with his team- I mean family sitting around him watching one of his favorite genre of movies. His mother or father wouldn't ever do this with him, let alone give him the time of day, but Karasuno was different, Karasuno was special.

As the movie continued on with much scary and frightening part starting to reveal themselves, some people in the room (Asahi and Hinata) began to hide themselves from the screen and behind the backs of their respective partners. Nishinoya told Asahi to man up and enjoy the special effects while Kageyama felt a bit of joy bubble up in his stomach.

Hinata held his shirt with a death grip, his fingers dug into his skin while his body trembled- he was practically sitting behind Kageyama. Only the tuff of his hair showed when he hid, and on rare occasions would he sneak a peek at the screen to only give a shriek of fear and hide once again behind the setter.

The raven's back may have bothered him with the uncomfortable way he was sitting and Hinata's knees digging into his lower back, but he once again endured the pain just for the small red-head.

"You were the one who chose the movie and you're afraid," stated Kageyama, trying to keep the annoyed tone in his voice.

"It's not my fault; Tanaka-senpai said we should choose a scary movie since that's what you like. I blame this all on your creepy love of horror movies," retorted the red-head. Another eep escaped his lips before hiding his face and almost knocking Kageyama off the couch.

"Watch it."

"Sorry."

Hinata tried adjusting himself to a much comfortable position, but while he was movie he accidentally looked at the screen and was surprised by a jump-scare from one of the monsters. He moved his body unconsciously out of fear and accidentally pushed Kageyama forward with him following suit; both teens fell on to the floor with a loud thump.

"Dumbass get off of me!" Kageyama was now in pain that was all his mind could comprehend with a heavy crow on top of his back and legs digging into the lower half.

"Sorry!" Hinata tried getting up was pushed down by a laughing Nishinoya.

"Dog pile!"

All the first-year setter could think of was "fuck no," before another weight was added on top of him, this time being Tanaka. Now the pain was really becoming unbearable, his chest felt constricted of air and there was an overwhelming sense of wanting to puke without thinking of the consequences. He really hoped his angel guardian would come save him before things got any worse.

"Come on everyone, get off already, you're crushing Kageyama."

His angel guardian being Daichi who was like the father of the team and knowing when thing went too far. Thank you papa-Daichi.

Giving a sigh of relief Kageyama felt the weight slowly disperse until only fresh air hit his back. Getting up from the floor he tried to act as normal as possible without giving away the pain that throbbed in his back. He really didn't want his family to find out about the bruise or anything having to do with his home life. It was to keep it a secret than to worry the only people he truly cared about.

He adjusted himself into a straight posture, almost noticing Sugawara eyeing him but turning the other direction as soon as possible.

"I think we should get going, it's getting late and I have to get home early today," announced Asahi.

"Aw! Already! I wanted to watch another movie," whined Hinata.

"You couldn't even make it through one, what makes you think you'll make it through another," said Kageyama.

Hinata stuck out his tongue at him with Kageyama following suit.

"Well Kageyama still needs to recover a bit, we don't want him to suddenly getting sick," stated Daichi.

Nodding along with their captain everyone gathered their things and cleaned up the living room from all the popcorn. They helped Kageyama clean a couple of the bowls before heading out.

"See ya Kageyama, you better get better or else!" shouted Hinata as he sprinted out of the setter's house.

The raven huffed and answered with an "ossu!"

Today was a really good day for him. Nothing bad had happened so far and he had a lot of fun watching a movie with his was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him. He is proud to be a part of Karasuno's volleyball team and hopes to always be together with them. Even if the pain continues he does it for them and that's all that matters. They can never know, never ever ever-

"Kageyama?"

The raven turned around to spot Sugawara standing at his front door with a serious look on his face.

"Yes?"

"Show me your back."

They can never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts so far?


	10. Chapter 10

He was too stunned to move, to talk, to think- too stunned to even comprehend the words that came out of Sugawara's mouth just moments ago. Those words were incomprehensible.

"W-What did you say?" asked Kageyama, tongue darting out to soak his dry lips from the heavy breathing. Sweat began running down his fore-head despite feeling the temperature in the room go down a few degrees. His palms felt sweaty and clammy; he shut his mouth to stop the heavy panting, but it only resulted in a heavy and constricting feeling to settle in his chest. He gulped and clawed at his left pants legs.

He really hoped his ashen-haired senpai wouldn't repeat those words. Those dreaded words that would start a chain reaction and dare to take him away from his home. Away from the volleyball that made his blood rush and a smile appear on his face as he challenged bigger and stronger opponents; pushing himself to his very limits. Away from his family- from Karasuno, those he cherished and took him in when he was alone and afraid.

Away from Hinata, the one he reason he still woke up to see or hear from. The one person who actually trusts him and would never leave him despite his past; only thinking of the future.

The one and only person he truly loved.

This couldn't be happening.

"Kageyama... Show me your back."

It was only a dream- an illusion conjured up by his mind from watching a horror movie, it was just a nightmare. All he had to do was pinch himself in the arm and then he'd wake up lying on his bed with the covers on the floor and the sun slowly falling over the horizon. It was only a nightmare, his teammates- family left a while ago, he cleaned up and then went back to his room and woke up to realize that he suddenly dozed off while scrolling through the internet. Just a little pinch- not even a pinch, he just had to inflict a small amount of pain on himself and then -Wala! He's awake.

"Kageyama, please..." Sugawara begged. He took a step closer and held the door open, making sure that Kageyama wouldn't try to lock him out. "I'm worried about you."

He bit the corner of his lip harshly and waited for the feeling of his bed under him and the small rays of light hitting his face.

"You can't lie to me; I saw it, you back while you were getting up from the floor."

Biting his lip was painful and uncomfortable. He hated the feeling of pain and anything related to it.

He stopped biting his lip and darted his eyes around the room, nothing had changed. He still stood in the entry way with Sugawara in front of him and that same worried look on his face. This wasn't a dream, this wasn't a nightmare, it was reality.

"Is there something you're not telling us? Was that black-eye of yours not really an accident?"

This immediately snapped Kageyama back to reality. Shaking his head the raven found his voice and denied his ashen-haired senpai's question. "No, why would you ever think that?"

"Because... I don't know, it's just a hunch, but it's not impossible," Sugawara said. He looked straight into Kageyama's eyes, his intentions were clear and he wasn't going to leave this be until he got an answer. "Please Kageyama, trust me."

The raven sighed. He averted his eyes and looked down at the floor. He knew that it was going to impossible to make Sugawara forget about whatever he saw, his senpai wasn't that kind of person, he was much better than that. That's why he reminded him of a mom, someone who cares about their younger and protect them from any harm.

Sugawara was someone he wanted more than anything, but he was also someone he could never let his guard down around at all.

"Kageyama?" Slowly raising his hand Sugawara placed it on top of Kageyama's shoulder causing him to flinch. He took another step closer and snaked his hand over his shoulder and around his back. Taking one last step the older shoved Kageyama into his chest and hugged him with all his might. "I worry about you, I don't know what to do, I don't know what's happening, but I want to help. This really scares me."

Kageyama fluttered his eyes and kept his hands on by the side of his body. He took a handful of his pants and clutched it between his fingers. He was worrying Sugawara, he was causing the older fear and anxiety, a feeling he didn't want to be the reason for. He couldn't let his senpai worry; he couldn't let his senpai feel any kind of ill emotions because of him. That's why he couldn't say anything; he couldn't cause him, not his family- especially not Hinata this kind of worry. He wants to stay with them as long as possible, and to do that he couldn't say anything.

Kageyama grit his teeth and fluttered his eyes to keep the water in.

It was alright, he was alright. It was a routine of his so it wasn't anything new. Kageyama could get through this, if he could do it in middle school then high school shouldn't be any different; the only difference being that now he had people he wanted to protect and be with for the rest of his life. A red-head he truly wanted to be in this life and the next one, and on and on.

He was Kageyama Tobio, and he wasn't going to let anyone get in the way of his routine, of his family.

"But I'm okay," he mumbled.

Sugawara heard him and only hugged him tighter.

At that moment only one thing ran through his mind, and that was if maybe this was not a part of his routine.

"No, you're not."

Because it sure didn't seem like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts so far?
> 
> Next chapter will continue with this.


	11. Chapter 11

"No, you're not."

Sugawara hugged him tighter and dug his face into the crook of Kageyama's neck. One of his hands unfolded itself from the hug and went up to clutch the back of Kageyama's head, slowly guiding his head down so that it also rested on Sugawara's shoulder. The taller gently massaged his scalp by using the tip of his fingers and running them around in a circular motion. He hoped to calm Kageyama and get him to feel more secure in their situation so he could open up and tell Sugawara the actual reason for his bruises.

"It's okay Kageyama, I'm here," he cooed into the raven's ear. "Nobody's going to hurt you, I'll protect you."

Kageyama shuddered at the older's hot breath on skin and hid his face from the other. He could feel his defenses weakening, all resolve to keep his secret hidden was dissolving and turning into a puddle of lies. He wiggled his fingers who rested by the side of his body, there was an immense aching feeling to clutch something with all his might and never let go. Sugawara's shirt beckoned him to come closer and wrap his arms around the other's lithe frame. Kageyama could feel a small pulse of heat radiate from his upperclassmen; it was comforting and calm, two words he very much enjoyed.

The raven shook his head on Sugawara's shoulder, dropping his head a little and rubbing his forehead against the other's collarbone. Kageyama had to keep a firm hold on his resolve. He couldn't be fooled by that surge of warmth that cradled his body, and that gentle hand that caressed his head, and especially not those comforting words that made him feel safe and secure.

It could all be a lie. Those words could just be a trap used to lure him and make him think that he was actually in safe hands when in actuality it was all a lie conjured up by his upperclassmen. He couldn't fall prey to other's trap; it would destroy all that he's worked for.

"No, stop it Sugawara-san." Somewhere beyond his weak and drowsy state Kageyama found the strength to pull away from the ashen-haired teen's body and state his displeasure. He avoided those brown eyes that stared at him intensely and looked down at the wooden floor with great interest. "Stop playing around."

Sugawara shook his head and gently smiled at Kageyama. He raised his hand ran it across the other's cheek as if he was touching something so delicate. "I'm not, I promise. All I want is for you tell me what's wrong." His smile dropped and a serious look plagued his face. "Trust me Kageyama."

He looked up for only a second, but that enough to get caught in that determined look of his and be captivated by the sincere look that swirled in his eyes. For one single second Kageyama actually believed that it was okay to tell the truth. It was okay to spill his guts out to his upperclassmen and tell him about the reality of how he's been living his life for so many years. His life- routine was worth nothing over the ache in his chest that continuously grew with each year. Right now all Kageyama could think about being saved, and that was one thing his routine did not hold.

"My routine?"

"No more."

Kageyama opened his mouth and for the first time in so long felt like he could finally breathe a sigh of relief. "I'm-"

"Tobio?"

The temperature in the room immediately fell below zero as the air turned thick with fear. Kageyama's eyes flew open in surprise, just seconds before his body turned numb as the color from his face drained.

That voice, it was  _her_.

"Hello, who are you?" she asked. Her tone was sweet and caring, that innocent smile caressing her face as she walked up the stairs to eye Sugawara who also stood staring at her in surprise.

His mother was back home from her business trip way earlier than expected.

Snapping out of shock Sugawara abandoned Kageyama and reached his hand out to Kageyama's mother. "Hello, my name is Sugawara Koushi, I'm a third year on the volleyball team with Kageyama."

"Ah," she said while nodding her head. Her eyes glanced over at her son before looking back Sugawara with a smile on her face. "May I ask why you're here at this hour? Did something happen?" The sweetness dropped a notch, tone now demanding as she stared Sugawara down like a hawk.

The ashen-haired teen shook his head and lightly chuckled. "No, nothing like that. The team came over to watch a movie and it seemed like I got caught up talking with Kageyama that time just went by."

His mother sent him a look of disappointment before returning back to Sugawara. Kageyama felt his heart skip a beat but simply ignored it for it was nothing new. He mentally hit himself for almost confessing the truth to Sugawara; he had let down his defenses and fallen into that small bubble of safety. If it wasn't for his mother who knew what kinds of things he'd be telling the other, but it's best not to think about something that might never happen.

"I see, well it was nice meeting you but it's late so you should get going now," she said demandingly.

Sugawara noticed the tone in her voice drop as well with the smile on her face. He looked like he wanted to deny her request, but by the intent look she gave him he simply shut his mouth and nodded at her. "Yes, please excuse me. Bye Kageyama, see you at school tomorrow." He gave Kageyama a look that said that they were going to talk later and hurried away from the house.

Kageyama tried to wave goodbye but wasn't fast enough before his mother slammed the door shut. She gave the heaviest sigh possible and rubbed the side of her head. Without even a glance at Kageyama she dragged her luggage through the entryway and towards the living room, instantly falling on the couch with a moan. Kageyama stared at her for several seconds before deeming that she was not going to comment on the previous scene and instead hurried up the stairs. He was only halfway before hearing his mother's loud voice beckon him back.

"Tobio, get back here," she demanded. Kageyama went down a couple steps and stared at his mother behind the stairways wall. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to go to your father's house when I go on business trips."

"I forgot," he answered. "Next time I won't-"

"Next time? What if there isn't a next time! Tobio, I don't want police coming here and thinking that I don't take care of you when I obviously do- think about my future. Do you want me to go to jail if the police find out that I leave you home alone all the time. This is why your father and I share your guardianship!" Her voice rose an octave frightening Kageyama hid deeper behind the wall. Bending over his mother rested her elbows on her knees and hid her face in the palm of her hands. "Just go, tomorrow I've had a busy day so go and stay at your father's for the rest of the week."

The raven's face immediately contorted in fear, his breathing quickening and fingers digging into the wall. "But-"

"Be quiet already! Just got to your room!"

He moved quick and with haste, feet pattering up the stairs and into his room where he slammed the door shut before falling to his knees. "Dammit!" He slammed his fist against his wooden floor and voiced his pain at the stinging pain on his hand. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, a large lump lodged itself in his throat as he tried to swallow the feeling back down. He grit his teeth with such ferocity; raising his hand to slam his fist again a sudden ding echoed throughout his room and alerted him of a text message. Snapping his head up he stood up the floor and dragged himself to to his bedside table where a red light kept blinking in the corner of his phone. He opened the message and was shocked to see who the sender was.

**From: Dumbass**

**hey kageyama u better be better by tomorrow cuz im goin to be hittin a whole bunch of your tosses**

He couldn't help but let a smile graze his lips, probably even a light chuckle from the red-head's message. Kageyama immediately felt all negative feelings disappear from his body and be replaced by thoughts from the one and only person who can make him smile like this in just a matter of seconds.

Sitting down on his bed he texted Hinata back before locking his phone and falling back in his bed with a thud. He rolled over a couple times before deeming his position comfortable and closing his eyes for sleep to settle in. In his hands lay the phone, closely tucked near his chest as he waited for Hinata's reply.

**From: Kageyama**

**do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to say this now so you won't have to worry about the next chapter: next chapter will have fluff because Kageyama deserves something nice one in a while. There is still a while before we reach the climax so hold on tight , this is going to be a bumpy ride.
> 
> Thoughts so far?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First let me say some things before you start reading:
> 
> 1\. NO! There will be no sexual abuse present in this fic. I've had some people ask and it's better to answer here than individually. Kageyama is already going through a lot, I can't do that to him.
> 
> 2\. I am tracking this fic on Tumblr, the tag is #hqfic:routine (idk if I'll ever need this but just in case, you ever know)
> 
> 3\. If you have any questions please ask.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

Kageyama knew that once the bell rang and Hinata came barreling into the room a mile a minute that he either made the best or worst decision in his life.

The red-head was launching out ideas and movie recommendations like this were his last conversation on earth and he had to get everything out before breathing his final breath. His hands made weird (possibly robotic) gestures as if those could possibly communicate any better if he either wanted Skittles or M&Ms which sounded ridiculous to Kageyama since he was more of a Starburst person.

Today, although it was a Monday, they didn't have any volleyball practice since both gyms were being used for some kind of event by a local organization. There were posters scattered throughout the school that used and array of colors and free food to get more people to come, but Kageyama didn't seem convinced by their use of propaganda. Today he invited his loud and boisterous friend to the movies and no food and raffles for "BIG PRIZES!" were going to change his mind.

As soon as they stepped out of school Kageyama immediately noticed brown eyes staring at his vicinity. Sugawara was only a couple feet away from him, but that that intent look he bore right into his body, it should have been just inches away from him. Daichi who stood beside him raised an eye at the ashen-haired teen's actions and turned around to identify the source of his staring, but right before he could do that Kageyama took hold of Hinata's hoodie and made a beeline for the train station. He really didn't want to deal with any deep psycho analyzation of his bruises by the one person who can probably guess what you were thinking by just the look of your face. Today was going to be his and Hinata's day- no mom, no dad, no Sugawara, no bruises.

Just Kageyama and Hinata.

Once they got on the train another problem occurred in the blink of an eye: it was 1001% crowded. It was actually a given considering it was rush hour and both students and adults were leaving their workplace or school, so it should have been obvious that the trains were going to be crowded- no seriously crowded. The raven almost thought about putting a leash on Hinata in the case of losing him in the crown because of his small stature, but because of his weird coloration of hair he was easy to spot in the crowd.

"Try not to get lost," stated Kageyama.

Both teens stood smack in the middle of mass of people. Hinata stood tottering back and forth from his heels to the tip of his toes in the small space he was given; Kageyama stood behind him with a firm hold on the strap of the red-head's bag. Even though the top of his head was easy to spot, there was still the chance of losing him because of his height- and because Kageyama just wanted a reason to be closer to him.

"Says the one holding my bag," shot Hinata.

"Well you are small, you'll get lost easily, like a toddler," retorted the raven.

Hinata paused his rocking to send him a quick glare and a pout on his lips. "I'm not small, just fun size, there's a difference!"

Kageyama scoffed. "Oh yeah, well what kind of difference?" The passengers on the train, for some (idiotic) reason clustered further to the center of the train causing Kageyama to step closer to Hinata.

"Well one: I'm not that small!" He stopped rocking back and forth because of his limited space. "Two: I'm way cooler." Leaning back he collides with Kageyama's chest and turns his head so their eyes made contact. "And three: I'm more lovable!"

Kageyama swears he sees the corner of Hinata's grinning mouth glint but brushes it off as a reflection from the sun. He puffs out his lips and turns to hide the tint on the corner of his eyes. "Where'd you get that from? The back of a cereal box?" grumbles the raven.

Hinata still manages to hear him over the loud buzzing of the train and makes a comment about how he got it from Nishinoya.

Not wanting to hear his companion moan and whine about the cons being under the height of 170cm Kageyama places a hand on the top of his soft head which instantly shuts him up and makes him go numb. He endures the desperate need to brush his fingers through the plush locks of hair, instead letting his hand rest on the shorter's scalp and enjoy what could only be described as clouds tickling the back of his hand.

Hinata keep his mouth firmly shut and instead takes pleasure in his situation; enjoying the warm and gentle feeling he gets from just Kageyama's hand on his head.

The rest of their ride goes on in peace, only the chatting of people and ruble from the train could be heard all the way to their destination.

* * *

Once arriving at the movie theatres they had no problem choosing a movie they agreed on. Although the snack line was a different story as they only had enough money for their popcorn, drinks and one brand of candy.

Hinata wanted Skittles and Kageyama insisted like it was the their only hope of survival in the apocalypse that Starburst were a much more fitting snack. They had quite a dilemma at the line, possibly even scaring the worker when the raven scowled menacingly and the red-head went into serious-mode, but in the end they shook hands and agreed on a large box of Nerds. Typical.

After their close encounter in Candy War I ("I still think Skittles were a better choice." "Suck it up and eat your damn nerds you dumbass."), both teens quickly made haste to the movie and thankfully made it in time just before the lights started to dim. They chose some seats all the way in the back 0even though there was no more than five people occupying the room- and made themselves comfortable before putting their full attention to the screen.

There weren't many options for movies considering most of the ones they wanted to see were horror (which Hinata gave a strict no to) and those were IDs were needed. So in the end they chose a fairy tale movie twisted to tell the story of the villain and her past. They were both completely enamored with the movie, only moving their bodies to take sips of their drink or shove a clump of popcorn into their mouths. It wasn't until the supposed villain who really wasn't evil by his standards regained his wings that he caught guard by something small and squishy closely resembling a hand.

It was a hand on top of his hand.

He almost jumped out of his seat in surprise of the hand curling around his. Kageyama looked down with wide eyes at the small body part that hugged his on the arm rest. He looked up at Hinata who was equally blushing all the way to the tips of his ears.

The red-head turned to look at him with an embarrassed look; he opened his mouth and whispered "you were taking up the armrest," before snapping his head back to the screen like it was the most interesting in the world.

Kageyama nodded accordingly at him and slowly turned back to the movie. St some point he unconsciously shifted his hand so the back of it hit the armrest and his fingers tangled with Hinata's, but said nothing about it.

* * *

As much as Kageyama wanted to continue holding hands with Hinata, the length of the movie thought differently and had them let go as soon as the end screen rolled, awkwardly having them pick up their trash while avoiding eye contact. They looked around the area for anything of interest, their hands accidentally bumping against each other as they walked, but luckily something caught Hinata's attention as soon as they stepped out of the theatre.

"Look, look, toy dispensers!" chirped the red-head. He immediately darted for a wall full of toy dispensers full of prizes that varied from shape, size and color. Kageyama could only think one thing, and that was how childish it was to get excited about something like this- although a smile did flash across his face when he spotted the bouncy balls. "Ah, what should I get?" Hinata scanned the many items he could get: from bouncy balls to miniature figurines, jewelry and sparkly stickers, it was practically heaven!

Kageyama looked around without the same look of delight, but equal amount of interest at the rows of prizes. He walked back and forth while Hinata crouched to scan one that gave small crow plushies. Typical. The raven walked all the way to the end of the line of toy dispensers and eyed on specific one that stood out from the rest.

"What about this one?" pointed Kageyama.

The dispenser was of a different color, black actually and gave off a vibe of mystery and mischief. The front logo just had black question marks that made it that much mysterious as to what was held inside.

"It looks like a mystery one."

"Oh! That sounds  _mysterious_ ," Hinata grinned at Kageyama and jabbed his elbow on the taller's waist, earning him a glare. "Wonder what I'll get."

"That's the point, you don't know what you'll get, dumbass," stated Kageyama.

"Don't sass me, I'm concentrating." Crouching down the red-head inserted his coins into the machine and turned the black knob until he heard a clink which was the sound of his prize. Squealing like a four-year old Hinata immediately took the plastic ball that held his prize and opened it with such that force that caused Kageyama to flinch. "Whoa."

"What is it?" Leaning over Hinata's shoulder Kageyama instantly spotted two golden bands in the palm of the red-head's hand. "Rings?!"

"Cool!" Jumping up and down excitedly Hinata took one of the rings and placed it on his left hand's ring finger. "It's so shiny."

Kageyama made no comment but couldn't help but notice the place in which Hinata put his ring. He eyed the red-head with curiosity and wondered if there was a reason for doing that, and if the second rings was also going to parallel it's brother and be placed on someone's left hand as well. He thought about the possibility of Hinata placing it on his hand, but quickly brushed the thought away as there was no way Hinata would-

His track of thoughts was interrupted by a pair of hands reaching out for his left hand and yanking forward. Kageyama gave a cry of displeasure and opened his mouth to voice his anger, but was stopped by the actions of his companion.

"There, now we match!"

The raven could only describe this moment as one of pure joy and bliss, in his left hand's ring finger was the golden ring that Hinata got from the toy dispenser. Clearly Hinata wasn't oblivious to such customs of putting a ring a specific hand and finger. There was a possibility that he forgot and simply placed it there to match his, but even Hinata wasn't this dense.

"Oi Kageyama, let's go, we're going to miss the train!" Snapping out of his trance Kageyama followed alongside Hinata to the train station. He completely disregarded any reason that involved Hinata forgetting about ring customs and basked in the thought of being pronounced as Hinata's spouse just seconds ago.

He glanced back down at the ring and bit back a smile.

Even if this was just an illusion or a careless mistake on the red-head's part, Kageyama allowed himself to enjoy this little fantasy of his. He was willing to go through his routine if it meant spending as much time with Hinata as possible.

It was only a simple routine, what could ever go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama deserves as much love as possible which is why I made this chapter long. The climax is actually coming up very soon so you're going to want to hold on tight and keep all limbs inside the vehicle because this is going to be a long and bumpy ride. The next chapter might actually come soon, maybe tomorrow or the next day since it's pretty short and... well you'll find out when I update. Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to do so. Hope to see you soon, bye!
> 
> (Props to those who know what movie they were watching)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don't write a chapter in a different POV all of a sudden, but I think that this chapter better shows Kageyama's thoughts and emotions if I use first person POV. So here you go.

No.

No.

No. No. No. No.

This can't be happening.

"Tobio!"

It is only a dream- a nightmare. A false illusion conjured up by my mind to play a scene that terrifies me right down to the very core of my body. This is all fake, this isn't happening right before my very eyes, my body isn't shaking with uncontrollable tremors that could rival any earthquake, I'm not gasping for breath or seeing the hallway blur and swirl in my vision; my body isn't burning with fire and my arm is most definitely not bleeding heavy amounts of blood.

"Tobio!"

I just have to pinch myself; I'll just find myself jolting awake on the hard floor of my father's apartment. The thick smell of alcohol will clog up my nose and the light from the moon will filter in through the window, letting me see my surroundings and find myself back in reality.

"You ungrateful-"

And then

And then the next day I'll go back to school. Back to Karasuno and I'll see my family again. I'll go to the gym and see Sugawara smiling gently at me, I'll find Daichi trying to control a rambunctious Tanaka and Nishinoya, Asahi practicing his serves, Tsukishima snickering with Yamaguchi, I'll find Kiyoko and Yachi cleaning up some stuff, the second years practicing, I'll find-

"Don't you ever dare disrespect me-"

I'll find Hinata jumping up and down in the gym, that same grin plastered on his face as he runs towards me with the intention of asking for my toss.

I'll find

"You should be lucky I-"

My head hurts. I can't think.

Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this kind of pain closely related to torture.

Was I too self-centered?

Too selfish?

Too ego-centric?

Too... Too... Too

I can't do this. It hurts. Mom, mom where are you? It hurts so much, why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this?

Please don't go, I'll be a good boy. I won't cry, I'll be good; I'll do what you say. Please don't leave me, don't leave your son who's always crying in his room alone. Don't leave your son who spent his nights on the cold floor with only a thin jacket to keep him warm. Don't leave him with the monster who calls himself his father. Don't leave your child who only wants your love.

Do you not love me?

I'm sorry. Mommy, I'm sorry, please forgive me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry Im sorry Im sorry Imsorryimsorry

"You fucking-"

"Stop! Please!"

My voice is hoarse; it cracks under the heavy sobs that spill. My cheeks feel wet- I'm crying. I'm sobbing. I can't hear anything but my own voice pleading, begging for all of this to stop. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and find myself still in the movie theatre. My head leaning against Hinata's with the movie still screening. I just want to see that smile full of hope and joy on his face, to feel our hands tangled together and the touch of his body as reassurance that he's still here, with me.

Don't leave me.

"Please... Stop..."

I'm afraid. Someone please help me. I don't want this, I just want my mom, I want someone. My family, someone, please. Don't leave me, don't leave me alone. It's scary, so dark and scary.

Please-

I don't want this rou-


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we return to our regularly scheduled POV. There isn't much to say but that although this chapter is short it is very important. Thank you very much for supporting me and this fic and commenting. Thank you to whoever drew that picture for this fic and thank you very much for sticking by for so long. Hope you continue to do so unitl the very end.

Hinata may not know how many inches are in a meter, he doesn't understand the concept of think before you act, he doesn't know why his sister is always squealing over those J-Pop idols, and he definitely doesn't get why he isn't allowed anywhere near the kitchen ever since that one incident with the microwave, but what he does know is that he is one-hundred percent, stupidly and utterly in love.

At first he didn't know about these strange, heart-thumping, palm-sweating feelings that made his chest constrict like vines wrapping around his body. At first he couldn't grasp the concept behind why his eyes always wandered to one specific individual and why the color of his cheeks darkened when a rare smile formed on the raven's lips.

It was new, it was peculiar, it was-

It wasn't until that one day under the rain that Hinata had finally realized what these feelings that caused butterflies to flutter in his stomach was called. He had only ever experienced these feelings in a familial or friend kind of way, never had he thought that he was going to be exposed to something brand new. There were a few moments in his childhood when he believed that giving flowers to the girl next door or a craving of holding his friend's hand in middle school was considered as this new feeling, but just thinking about it seemed impossible as he never felt like conducting himself in a more intimate relationship with them.

Only  _he_  could ever do this Hinata.

Only the raven could possibly cause these kind of warm feelings.

Hinata knew that this was not a fluke, that this was not a simple high school crush every other teenager got, it was more than that. It was more than just boasting to his classmates about finally getting to "1st base." It was more than just changing his Facebook status to In a Relationship and then never talking to them ever again. His feelings were more than that- they were moments where he wanted to sit on the roof and look up at the sky as the clouds passed by. To lay next to each other in bed while rain poured outside; only their warmth keeping each other safe.

The red-head wanted to go to movies and hold hands while he laid his head against the other's shoulder. He wanted to be on cleaning duty with him, to be the only ones in the empty room as the sun slowly fell in the horizon and they escaped into doing something more intimate with each other.

He wanted to be with him.

Hinata wanted to be with Kageyama.

If this wasn't love then he didn't know what it was.

And as he looked at the ring that hugged his finger and shined under the light of his bedroom he knew that he wanted to be something more than just friends. When he saw that rare smile on Kageyama's face, when he saw his determined look and heard those words of encouragement- "as long as I'm here you're invincible!"- Hinata knew that he wanted to with the raven forever.

-love.

It was love.

The smiles on his face, the heart-thumping and palm-sweating feelings were a sign and he loved every bit of it.

"Tomorrow, I'll definitely say it tomorrow." And with the resolve to confess his feelings Hinata continued to stare dreamily at the ring on his finger and sighed delightfully as he waited for the hours to go by on this wonderful day.

Because he was Hinata Shouyou and he was one-hundred percent, stupidly and utterly in love with Kageyama Tobio, and nothing was ever going to ever get in the way of his feelings.

Not anyone, not anything.

He stared at the ring with adoration, never letting it leave his sight as he reached for his ringing telephone and spoke and gentle "Hello?"

Not anyone... not anything...

Not the words that were spoken from the opposite end of the line. Not the frightened and terrified voice that spoke with a small and frail voice. Not the sudden fear that coursed through his body or his eyes that widened in surprise. Not the words of his mother that called out to him as he raced out of the house, and definitely not the thought of losing the one and only person he loved.

* * *

"Hinata..."

"Y-yeah?"

"Please h-help me."


	15. Chapter 15

"No, no, no, no no no no no-" It was a mantra, a small prayer playing in his mind that kept him awake and sane in this dire situation. As he passed by trashcans and momentarily blindness by the brief streaks of light that fell over him from the streetlights, the only thing that Hinata could think about in this moment of insanity was one person, one name, one human being who brought him joy and pleasure from their constant days of bouncing balls against the back of their arms and the small moments of affection.

The rare smile that plagued his face when faced with a challenge and the look of concentration as he stuck out his tongue when trying to figure out a math problem; his smile, his frown- the corner of his eyes blushing red with embarrassment and the pout of his lips when proven wrong by Tsukishima while studying for an English test. That amazing and freaky toss sent by him, the toss that can only be described with words of action seen in comic books from the 80s; the stinging of Hinata's hand and the proud look on his face.

The warmth of his hand under Hinata's and the smoothness of his skin that can only come from someone as high-maintenance as him. Those bright blue eyes- those beautiful and heart-thumping and gasp-inducing and mesmerizing and beautiful and so, so  _beautiful_ blue eyes that the sky can never compare to.

That one person which Hinata has made the mistake- no- the joy and happiness of falling in love with.

_Kageyama Tobio_. The one and only person, name and human being who has brightened his world was the only thing that endlessly filled his mind to the brim with grim and morbid thoughts from just a single phone call that lasted at most five seconds. He was the one Hinata was worried, he was the one Hinata loved, and he was the one Hinata never wanted to lose.

"Kageyama, Kageyama Kageyama- Tobio!" The words fell like a mantra, and left quickly as they came. In the darkness of an alleyway separating a barren apartment building and playground seen only in pictures from nuclear accidents 50 years later was the raven crow leaning limp against the concrete wall. His dark palette contrasted with the ashen color of the wall making it fairly easy for the red-head to spot him from even miles away.

"No, no, no no no no-" He scurried down the alley, feet stomping erratically against the ground before coming to an instant stop and knees finally collapsing to the ground. "Kageyama please no, answer me!" Panic took over every fiber of his body, his voice cracking under the extreme amount of pressure, making it feel like a boulder stood precariously on his shoulders. His hands shook with great tremors that could rival any earthquake and the tears began to come down like a waterfall.

"Please no, please no, don't do this, no-"

He reached for the limp body, hand shaking towards the pale face that contrasted with the tainted arm-

-No-

Ambulance.

Must call an- the- a ambulance.

Hinata's hands retreated from the face of sleeping beauty and searched with haste for the cellphone that connected them to this horrible event. He shoved his hand inside the too small pocket of his pajamas, but found a hand grasping his own stopping all drastic movements being made.

"I already called..." It was low, it was hoarse, but it was something. Kageyama's voice broke through the thin line that separated Hinata from instinct and reason, causing him to leap forward and hug the frigid raven like his life depended on it.

"Tobio!" Hinata yelled out, voice cracking as the built up anxiety was finally released from its confines. "Oh my god are you okay- I'm so worried- my- oh my god!"

Feeling as if the air was being squeezed out of his already bruised body Kageyama found the strength to raise an arm and shakily tap Hinata on top of the shoulder. He clenched his teeth over the excruciating pain and tried voicing out his pain, but found himself silent and without words. The hand that weakly grasped Hinata's shoulder slid down and fell limp to the ground.

All the fear, all the stress and moments of panic that came when he noticed the dim light from the kitchen grazing the hallway in his father's apartment- the feeling of being mauled by a tiger when he saw new and empty bottles of beer strewn in the kitchen floor; a dark and sinister smile grazing the consumer's lips as he wobbled to the one he called "son." That feeling of dread that constricted his chest when he opened the door to his mom's house and found a post-it note by the living room with a "be back soon."

That man's words, that' man's fists; that woman's words, that woman's lack of affection. Those people's love-

What love?

No love.

None. Kageyama never got any of that.

So when he felt the coolness of Hinata's cheek rubbing against his own, and the noticed the striped pajama bottoms and white slippers that adorned the red-head's feet, Kageyama knew that it was all finally over and he could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

His routine was no more.

So as he closed his eyes and dug his head into the crook of Hinata's neck Kageyama knew that he could finally let the tears spill from the corner of his eyes, let the agony filled sobs fall out like a child's cry as he's held by his mother, as those soothing lullabies calm him back to sleep, and think of how great it would be to sleep for eternity.

To never wake again, that's all he ever wanted.

* * *

_"Kage-...-yama... I... lo-... y-!"_

_"Me...t-"_

_"..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's block is a bitch but thank god I was able to write this. If you're wondering how Hinata was able to find Kageyama then you're going to have to wait until the next chapter to find out. If confused please ask questions, I'll be happy to answer. Thank you for reading and I hope to see you soon.
> 
> Thoughts so far?


	16. Chapter 16

The first thing that registers in his mind is the blinding color of white that surrounds him. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the sudden flash of white that contradicts with the darkness behind his eyelids, but after a few seconds the blurriness finally fades, replaced with a much more recognizable ceiling and dangling colors of red and blue. He squints his eyes to get a better view of the colors that dangle above him, but they're too far away from his vision that only shades of blue and red are seen from his peripheral vision. He thinks about adjusting his head to get a better look, but rejects the idea as there are much bigger priorities at hand.

The second thing that registers in his mind is not an object or an annoying color that shuffles in and out of his view, but a question: Where is he?

Kageyama tries to recall the last thing that happened to him- there was red, a whole bunch of red and then he saw rays of light falling from above him as he ran through the empty streets. He can't quite get an exact picture in his mind, but if he's correct then the last thing he saw was the sun? Orange and tears and a really annoying voice splitting his ear drums. After that everything seems like a blur of colors and noises before waking up here, wherever here is.

He lays motionless on the bed? It feels soft and comfortable, and sheets are draped against his weak body so he must be lying on top of a bed. From his position Kageyama can't find anything else to help him figure out his location, and the evidence he has so far isn't helping considering all he knows is that there's a white ceiling, the colors red and blue, and a bed. To come to a conclusion he tries moving his body to the side, but finds it to be an impossible feat, he is far too weak and tired to do anything as tiring like that. So he tries to move his head. At first he moans from the pain in his neck and the uncomfortable position he was laying in for who knows how long, but after a couple tries he finally gets his head to look to the left and finds himself gasping at the sight.

The third thing that registers in his mind is one word: hospital.

He first sees the curtains to the window wide open letting in a bright light that practically causes him to go blind. After that he sees a long thin tube leading from his left bandaged arm all the way to an IV. The last thing he sees is an empty chair sitting a bit too close for anyone's comfort; a blue sweater draped sloppily by the side on the verge of slipping off.

Slowly but surely Kageyama begins to regain his strength. He begins to wiggle his toes and stretch his aching legs that were out of commission for who knows how long. He tries throwing off the blanket off his body, but finds this to be futile as it only causes them to get tangled around his legs. He decides to ignore the sheets and looks to the opposite end of the room.

There he finds the two objects of his annoyance that kept bobbing in and out of his vision, a single red balloon, and a single blue balloon. He clicks his tongue at the floating object and uses his right hand slap away the strings that dangle way too close to him. This only causes the opposite and he instead brings the two strings closer to him and to his face.

Kageyama groans in anger and tries to push away the strings that tickle his face, but finds himself suddenly frozen in silence when he hears a loud click and tapping of feet. He immediately swivels his head to the side and finds himself staring wide-eyed at a shocked, red-headed idiot.

"Ka-" Hinata tries to say the raven's name but finds it impossible to word out the rest of his name. In his hand he holds a single granola bar already opened and half-eaten. His hair is disheveled and if Sugawara were here right now he would so have a talk with him about his fashion choices. "Ka-"

Ignoring the strings that dangle above him Kageyama lays down his hand and calms down his body from the tense form it was in just seconds ago when Hinata entered the room. "Hi-" He can't form the rest of his sentence, rather he wishes not to at the expense of what else Hinata will do now that tears are forming around the corners of his eyes.

"Ka-" The granola bar falls to the floor and so do the tears. Hinata's mouth falls open letting out sobs and cries of "Ka-" that sound incoherent to the ears of anyone but Kageyama. Snot runs down his nose and he tries using his sleeve to wipe away the substance but only accomplishes in rubbing it over his face. Kageyama would grimace at that, but right now wasn't the appropriate moment to chastise the red-head.

"Ka-" Kageyama notices Hinata's legs wobbling under the smaller's weight, he almost believed the red-head was going to fall to the floor a crying and sniveling mess, but instead finds him wobbling over to his bed until his body practically falls on top of Kageyama's.

"Kageyama!" He wraps his hands around the raven's neck and digs his face into the crook of his neck.

Kageyama was close to hitting the red-head over the head for clinging to him so unnaturally, but one he noticed the body above him trembling he filed away the thought and let Hinata do whatever he wished. Besides, he also needed a hug. After everything that happened he was happy to finally catch a break and breathe a sigh of relief.

"Kageyama!"

"Yeah, I'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy chapter for all of you who were asking me not to kill him. You know this fic is almost over, I don't know the exact number of chapters we have left but we're pretty close to the end. That's all for now, thank you for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter.
> 
> Thoughts so far?


	17. Chapter 17

"Kageyama."

"Yeah?'

"Kageyama."

"Yeah?"

"Kagey-"

"What is it already?"

"Nothing, I just really want to say your name." A pleased smile spreads across Hinata's face as he says this. His hands are wrapped around the raven's torso and his body sprawled over the white sheets and on top of Kageyama's body. He quickly nuzzles his face into the other's chest before raising his head and staring up at Kageyama with eyes like the sun, giving him a look that could only be described as relief and adoration.

"I missed you."

Kageyama is immediately taken aback by those words but quickly regains his composure. He doesn't know what to say or how to retort to Hinata's words, so instead he raises his right hand and place it on top of Hinata's head. The red-head rubs along the palm of Kageyama's head and closes his eyes as a gentle warmth spreads throughout his body.

"Kageyama," repeats Hinata.

"Yeah?"

"Kageyama."

"Yeah?"

"Please don't go."

"Yeah…" The room falls silent. The balloons that were ostracizing his vision just moments ago were slowly bumping against each other in the corner of the hospital room. The sound of their rounded sides hitting against each other echoed throughout the room. He found the sound annoying, but tolerable.

"I won't."

Hinata opened his eyes, a wide grin spreading on his face and the corner of lips tugging up all the way to the corner of his eyes. "Good, because if you ever leave me, then I'll never forgive you."

Kageyama scoffs and ruffles the soft locks of hair. "Without me then you would still be sucking at volleyball."

"Hey! I'm not that bad. I'm getting better," grumbled Hinata.

"Yeah."

"I am!"

"Whatever."

Hinata gives Kageyama an unconvinced look. He sticks out his bottom lip and narrows his eyes at him. He opens his mouth to make a comment but stops himself short when he notices Kageyama's attention divert to somewhere else. The red-head furrows his eyebrows an turns to also stare outside the window but notices nothing that could possibly cause Kageyama to fall silent. He cocks his head and turns to look back at Kageyama only to gasp at the sight he sees.

Tears.

Tears are falling down the corners of his blue eyes. His bottom lip trembles with great intensity to keep the noises at bay and his eyes narrow and blink rapidly trying to keep the tears from slipping, but it was too late. A single tear drops down his left eye and all glue and concrete that has kept Kageyama together for so long crumbles down.

"Kageyama?"

He shakes his head and clenches his teeth tightly. His eyes shut tightly against the burst of tears that continuously fall down the side of his cheeks and lowers his head so that his hair creates a shadow over his forehead. He makes no move to do anything but cry and sniffle, his shoulders noticeably trembling and causing Hinata to be filled with worry.

"Kageyama, what's wrong?"

Kageyama says nothing and sniffs, his mouth opening and taking in heavy breaths of air.

"Kageyama, please."

Hinata slides off of the bed and stands awkwardly by the side as he watches Kageyama continue to cry. His eyes look around the room trying to search for a way to calm down the raven, but found nothing in the barren white room. He trailed back down to Kageyama and felt his chest clench as he watched the one person he wished to protect wipe his eyes with the back of his hands. Hinata didn't want Kageyama to suffer, not anymore.

"Ka-"

"Tobio."

The rom fell silent, the balloons became still and all blood in Kageyama's body froze in an instant.

"Tobio."

That voice. That very voice that brought chills down his spine. It was here, that person was here. She was here and ready to take him back to his hell.

"Tobio, my son."

It wasn't over. It was never going to be over.

"Tobio."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's short, trying to get things back together after being gone for so long. Had to deal with a lot but I'm finally back. Now as for the reason why Tobio was crying I'll never tell, there are many answers, or maybe none at all. All I'm going to say is that we're getting closer to the end, there's probably aound five or less chapters left, somewhere around there. They'll be much longer so don't worry. Wonder how it'll all end.
> 
> Thoughts so far?


	18. Chapter 18

"Tobio"

It was his name. The name given to him since birth by the people who were supposed to have taken care of him. By the people who were supposed to have loved and supported him through thick and thin. By the people who he was supposed to call "mom" and "dad". By the people who have hurt, abused, and neglected him since he was young. By  _her_ , and by  _him_.

"Tobio."

It was a name he sometimes found hating.

It was the name that echoed inside the walls of his hospital room and caused a tremendous amount of pain to surge throughout his body. He found himself clutching the white sheets below him with all his strength; knuckles turning white and straining to keep still as if by not moving he would not be seen. He struggled to keep in the sobs that threatened to spill, but found that all strength had been depleted by a single fist and gasping for air. His mouth fell open and lips curled downward into a frown. His eyebrows knitted down in fear and painful cries began filling the room.

He was scared, frightened and terrified beyond relief.

Kageyama's eyes darted towards the doorway, ignoring the worried Hinata and towards the tall and slender woman who resembled him a bit too much. Her red-coated lips were parted open in worry, no words were coming out of her mouth but her eyes said it all. Past those rosy cheeks of makeup and makeup were icy blue eyes that stared at him with the fakest and most disgusting hint of worry Kageyama has ever seen. If he wasn't so scared or panting as if he were having an asthma attack then Kageyama would be gagging in disgust at the sick look of worry that plagued her face.

He was ready to vomit, but not just because of her look, but because of the fear that pumped throughout his body. His heart beat a mile a second, pumping blood throughout his system and trying to follow along with the erratic pace of breaths he was taking. Kageyama almost found himself choking on his own breath, if it wasn't for Hinata who gently patted his back to soothe the tension.

"Kageyama?"

There it was. That voice. Even if it was his surname it felt more comforting hearing it from the mouth of his most cherished person than the one who took a vow to protect him and left him to die at the hands of his tormentor. That was the voice he wanted to hear, the voice he always wanted to stay with for the rest of his life.

"Tobio." And that wasn't.

"Tobio, my poor child, what happened to you?" She coated every word that was meant to be said as abuse and punishment as words of worry. If it wasn't for Hinata then who knows what kinds of things would have been coming out of her mouth. "My dear, what did that monster do to you? How could he have done this to my precious child?"

She crossed the few feet from the door to the hospital bed, nudging Hinata away from the raven and raising her hands to pull Kageyama into a hug that held more air than body heat. She shook her head to show her displeasure at Kageyama's situation and held his head in between one of her hands. She rubbed his scalp, forcefully tugging his hair to elicit some kind of pain but not enough to cause Kageyama to cry out in displeasure.

"Don't worry my child, everything is going to be okay, it's going to be alright." She directed the raven's head to lay in between the crook of her neck and placed her lips close to his ear.

"How disgraceful," she whispered.

"My poor child," she cried out in agony.

Kageyama found himself still gasping for air, his hands lying limp by his side and eyes straining to get a good look of the room. He nudged his head up so his eyes could look over his mom's shoulders and found Hinata looking at him with a worried look on his face. Kageyama crinkled his nose and tried to silently plead to for help. His eyes wavered and the fire that always burned in them was now extinguished to only a single burning candle in an abyss of darkness.

"N-" He wanted to say so much.

"Don't worry, after you get all better we'll go back home and everything will be all okay, you'll be safe and sound back home with me."

He had so much to say.

"You won't have to suffer anymore."

He had a voice and he was going to use it to say all that he needed to say.

"N-No."

"What?" His mother's voice rose in volume. He thought he almost heard it crack but it was probably an illusion. His mother who held her head high with courage and superiority wasn't possibly starting to crumble?

"No." His voice rose in frequency and body shook in response. Slowly pulling away Kageyama began to shake his head while looking at his mother who stared at him in surprise. "No, I'm not going home with you. No, no, no, no- NO! Get away from me!" Shrieking Kageyama caused his mother to step away and look at her son as if he was a being from another planet. Kageyama simply continued to shake his head and repeat the words "no," each time in higher frequency.

"No, no, no, no! I'm never going back with you. Not now or ever!"

"Tobio, what is wrong-"

"Don't call me that! Don't you ever dare call me that! I hate it when you say my name."

Gulping back the words she wished to speak because of the orange-haired occupant in the room, Kageyama's mother gave a heavy sigh and smiled sweetly at Kageyama. "Honey, please, what is wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?" There it was that innocent voice with that innocent face and that innocent smile. It practically made Kageyama want to puke.

Kageyama continued to shake his head. "I'm done. I'm done with everything. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to go home and sit in my room in the darkness while you go somewhere else and do whatever the fuck you want!"

Kageyama's mother was taken aback causing a gasp to break through her demeanor. "Now listen here young man, don't go talking about your mother that way."

"What way!" His hands began to shake and tremble with great tremors. All fear and anxiety that overtook his body was now replaced by pure rage. That rage being solely directed at the woman in front of him.

"That's what you do. You leave your child home alone for days, even weeks depending on where you go. You leave me to defend myself, to live in that large and cold house while your off flirting with customers and drinking until you're dead drunk. You're off doing whatever the fuck you feel like doing while I'm left to live with a monster. A monster who abuses me every day. A man, who hits me, punches me, and calls me names that can never be spoken. Every day I go to school with a bruise on my back or a cut on my body. Every night I have to cry myself to sleep as I worry about how I will be able to live the next day.

Every day, every night I have to live a nightmare, abuse, neglect- did you know that one time I was so close to killing myself? In my hands I held a large steak knife, always pointing it at my throat. At night I'd dream about finally ending my life and ending my suffering... But I never did. Why? Why didn't I do it?! Why?! Answer me-"

A slap echoed throughout the room. A gasp vibrated through Hinata's throat and a hand stood raised in front of Kageyama's face. His head stood frozen, cheek tinted in red and mouth open in shock.

"I gave you everything. Everything. I work my butt of everyday just so you can live a wonderful like and this is how you repay me? Disgusting. How did I ever come to having a selfish and inconsiderate brat like you? I should have never given birth to you in the first place. Your father was right, you were always a mistake."

The raven continued to sit frozen in place. He tried moving his mouth to say something but found no words forming, just sounds of shock.

Clicking her tongue in annoyance Kageyama's mother began striding towards the door. Past a seething Hinata and away from a frozen Kageyama. "Oh and Tobio." Kageyama slowly turned to face his mother, his eyes still wide open in disbelief. He watched his mother open her mouth, he watched those words slip out and he watched as his world started to crumble and his vision turn blurry.

He watched his mother step out of the door and watched as Hinata called for help. He watched his hands thrash around the bed and watched as nurses began piling inside the room and hold down his limbs from moving around. He watched as he tried reaching for the IV and watched as he tried pulling it out. Watched as his teammates came into the room and watched in horror as the doctor tried to calm him down. Watched as Hinata cried silent tears and heard his voice ring throughout the hospital in anguish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close, so very close to the ending. Thank you for reading and I hope to see you soon.
> 
> Thoughts so far?


	19. Chapter 19

If Kageyama were to say that he hated sleeping then that would be an understatement.

He sat cross-legged in the mess of blankets and pillows that occupied the room's bed. He only wore a thin pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt that was given to him by Takeda-sensei. He would have worn his own clothes instead but just the thought of going back into that house caused his stomach to churn and his body to heat up with anxiety.

He sat at one of the ends of the bed, back facing the wide open window that let cool air seep in and hit his bare body. Chills ran down his spine causing him to tremble as he felt his body temperature drop and his skin sting with the same feeling when you touched an ice cube for too long. He could have closed the window and stopped the cold air from turning him into an ice cube, but every time he closed the window he felt the room begin to close in on him. His breathing immediately became ragged and his chest constricted with an invincible weight. There were times were he was close to having a panic attack, but the fresh and cool air of the night always helped relax him.

Besides, Kageyama liked listening to crickets chirp right outside the window. There would often by a howl or a bark of a dog chasing of any unwanted visitors in the form of squirrels that jumped through the trees, and when the moon was full he'd find comfort just staring at the large rock that hovered above the sky.

It's been 11 days since Kageyama left the hospital and so far things have been going on up and down on a steep hill.

After his mental breakdown at the hospital Kageyama was forced to stay for another couple of days so the doctors could keep a close eye on him. As he was thrashing and screaming in the hospital bed, tears running down his cheeks and the doctor and nurses cooing into his ears as they injected a needle into his arm Kageyama saw the horrified looks of his teammates and felt himself go insane.

He saw Daichi usher everyone out of the room after the nurses asked them to leave. He saw Asahi pull and barren faced Nishinoya out of the room. He saw Tanaka furrow his eyebrows in worry while being forcefully pulled away by Daichi, and he saw Sugawara hold a trembling Hinata who never looked back as he walked out of the room.

Kageyama felt his mind go insane. He couldn't keep up his facade any longer. Everything was starting to come crashing down.

It's been 11 days since Kageyama left the hospital, and it's been 11 days since Kageyama was brought to Takeda's house to stay in. He had nowhere else to go, no family within miles and he definitely did not want to see any of his friends after what happened at the hospital. He brought whatever his teacher could get from his "home" and was taken to the guest bedroom where he locked himself inside for 11 days, crying and regretting everything that has happened.

It's been 11 days since he left the hospital, since he was brought to Takeda's house, and since he had a good night of sleep.

If Kageyama were to say that he hated sleeping then that would be an understatement.

He sat cross-legged at one end of the bed, back facing the window as he stared down at his feet and his toes and his ankles. The room was barren and devoid of anything of interest. Only a bed, a dresser, and a closet furnished the area around him. He sat hunched over, his bangs covering his blue eyes as they played with his toes to distract himself as the time went by.

It was 11 hours since he locked himself inside this room and away from any and all human contact.

It was 11 hours ago he came back from an appointment with his therapist.

It was 11 hours ago that he came back from talking with the man he found himself gagging over, body filling with disgust and stomach churning like a washing machine.

He hated those moments, he hated those minutes that went by as the man asked him questions, his beady brown eyes staring right through him and analyzing whatever he said. He felt his body grown warm as the man kept a cool and composed face, pen clicking back and forth as he wrote a few lines on his clipboard and leaned forward in the squeaky chair.

It was 11 hours ago that he came back from an appointment, locked himself inside his room and discarded his clothes until the temperature started to drop and pulled on something comfortable. Kageyama noticed that he started caring less for his appearance and found that whatever fit and felt comfortable was alright with him, even if that whatever was nothing.

On the long and boring nights he laid awake in the dark room Kageyama would sit or lay in bed and feel all different parts of his body as a way to pass time. He'd touch his legs and feel the roughness of his heel, dip his fingers through the opening between his toes and admire himself as he let his hands trace up his heels to his legs and feel different parts of his body.

He found the scars and bruises that littered his body shine against the moonlight and felt a large bump bob inside his throat.

Kageyama would feel his collarbone protrude through his skin and drag his arms up his neck, quickly swiping them through his lips until they fisted his hair and felt himself fall back on his bed a sobbing mess. Those were the nights he'd cry himself to sleep until he awoke a couple hours later to the sound of the television and Takeda humming in the kitchen.

Those were also the nights he despised as he found himself waking up from an endless nightmare every single time.

Those words his mother said. Always echoing in his. Screaming and yelling at him.

_Kageyama Tobio._

_11 days, 11 nights, 11 hours, 11 minutes ago._

It was 11 days ago he last saw his friends- his family- Karasuno. He lost his phone during that night, and he hoped to never find it. Kageyama always feared what they would say, he feared their words their kind and pure words that oozed with worry. Those long and thought out paragraphs filling his phone's screen, filling him with dread and fear.

He feared what Hinata would say, he feared what Hinata would do. Kageyama feared Hinata because he feared what he'd do to Hinata if he ever came close to him.

It's been 11 days since Kageyama left the hospital, 11 days since he was brought to Takeda's house. It's been 11 hours since his appointment with that man, since he locked himself in his room. 11 days since he last saw his friends, and 11 days since he started spiraling down an endless staircase to an empty pit of nothing.

Shivering from the sudden breeze of cold that hit his back Kageyama started getting bored of looking at his feet and draped one of the white blankets over his body. White, a pure color, unlike him.

He studied the blanket that traced the contours of his body and immediately looked away to the side. He spotted a bright orange object sitting at his bedside table. It was the only color other than black and white that occupied the room, but it was also an object, full of other objects specifically made to people like him.

_11 days, 11 nights, 11 hours, 11 minutes ago._

He stared at the bright orange object. He stared and stared until he finally got up from the bed and slid across the cold, smooth floor and grabbed the object before sliding back to the bed. He draped the pure blanket over his whole body and slouched back down again as the object lay on top of the pure sheet. An object used to pure people on top of the pure sheet used by an impure person.

It was orange, like Hinata's hair. Hinata who was orange, Hinata who was pure, Hinata who he feared.

Kageyama found himself wondering just when this all started. He found himself thinking back to when he was just entering elementary school. His parents, a marriage never meant to be, a marriage forbidden by their parents, a marriage that sent them all to hell. They were happy, they were living in a furnished house with their son who they loved and cherished. They  _were_  happy. Were. Supposedly.

They weren't happy. Clearly.

His mother suffered because of him, his mother had Kageyama because of him. Forced to have Kageyama. His mother suffered because of him, so his mother suffered because of Kageyama.

His mother found the resolve to stand up and divorce his father. She was happy, but he was still there, so she wasn't happy.

She suffered because of his father, so ultimately she suffered because of him too.

Kageyama suffered because of his mother, he suffered because of my father.

_11 days, 11 nights, 11 hours, 11 minutes ago._

He continues to suffer to this day. He continues to stare at the bright orange bottle in front of him and re-read the name that is printed on the label.

_Kageyama Tobio._

_Twice a day by mouth._

Kageyama wonders how long it'll take before he finally stops walking down the stairs and decided to just jump his way down. Maybe that way it'll be quicker and he'll be able to end things sooner.

_11 days, 11 nights, 11 hours, 11 minutes ago._

A bright orange bottle. An open window, a cold breeze, an empty room, a broken phone, a broken family, a bright orange bottle.

A bright orange bottle and 11 pure white pills.

What would it take to just jump and say goodbye to everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... I don't know if this will still end at the amount of chapter I want because at first this chapter wasn't supposed to be here. There was going to be a much larger time skip but I scratched that since it would have been a bit more confusing. So this chapter happened and I liked it so I'm going to put it in and see where this goes. Hopefully it won't take longer to write because of the change of plans, but if I'm correct with my calculations thing should still go according to plan.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading and I hope to see you soon. I know the chapters are short but please bear with me, at least they're getting longer.
> 
> Please inform me of any spelling or grammar mistakes.
> 
> Thoughts so far?


	20. Chapter 20

It was raining.

Water fell erratically from the sky in little droplets and stained the whole neighborhood a shade darker. The skies were dark and gray, not a single ray of sun filtering through causing all occupants of the outside to hurry to their houses or abandon whatever they were doing outside and find shelter inside their homes. Kageyama looked out from the terrace door and saw as little kids were taken by the arm of their mothers and dragged inside, despite their pleas to go back and retrieve whatever they left behind.

His eyes caught sight of a little boy, probably around five; raven hair and petite frame cry his eyes out from inside his house as his mother held him back from going back in the rain and getting his plush toy he left on the sidewalk. Even though a great distance separated them Kageyama knew that the little boy was crying and begging to go back outside, looking up at his mother with pleading eyes and snot falling down his nose.

His chest constricted only a little at this.

He remembers back to his elementary school days when he was little and thinks to the brown stuffed bear he got from his father. It was also raining that day. An afternoon after his father came home from a strenuous day at work and a little surprise awaiting him.

"Kageyama-kun?"

Turning around Kageyama looked at his teacher who fiddled with his fingers. He had a large coat over his body and held an umbrella in his left hand.

"Are you ready to go?"

Kageyama nodded and turned away from the terrace door. He patted down the living room and to the front entrance where he slipped on some sandals and zipped up his black jacket. Following Takeda he walked in front of his teacher down the building's stairs, jumping from one step to another before making a dramatic leap to all the way to the bottom and looking up with unchanging eyes at his teacher who followed out of breath.

"I think I'm getting too old, that or I need to do more exercise," panted Takeda.

Kageyama said nothing but simply stare at him with flaccid eyes. Takeda said nothing more and ushered Kageyama outside the building and to the front where he opened his umbrella and raised it over himself and Kageyama.

"Do you have the list?"

Kageyama nodded and reached his hand into his jacket's pocket where he took out a folded piece of yellow paper.

"Good, wouldn't want to lose that. We're going to have a whole lot of stuff to buy today, Ukai-san is coming to visit today and knowing him I'm sure he'd want to eat something else other than fried egg." Takeda gave half a laugh at the end of his sentence and sent Kageyama a warm smile.

The raven didn't return the smile but gave a slow nod.

Takeda wanted more of a reaction out of the younger but at least he showed signs of listening and it was enough to let him know that Kageyama was still here with him.

As the teacher rambled on and on about dinner for that night Kageyama's mind started to wander to much different things. His gaze started to go lower from looking at the road ahead of him to at the concrete ground below him. His eyes analyzed every single crack and rock that he passed and allowed his eyes to linger for a while longer when he passed a flower bed. He saw that the bright colors were starting to wilt and the flowers starting to sag. Winter was definitely around the corner.

Turning around one corner Kageyama almost felt his breath hitch when he saw a blur of orange at the corner of his eyes but felt his heart fall when he saw that it was only a woman's umbrella. Under it she held the hand of a seven year old boy who only paid attention to the model airplane he flew.

"What would you like for dinner today, Yuu?" asked the mother.

"Curry!" chimed the little boy.

She gave a smile. "You always ask for that, I'm starting to think that it's your favorite."

"Yeah, because mommy's curry is always the best!"

Thunder boomed above them and the mother scurried faster down the street. Hearing that made him think back to his previous thought on that rainy day when his mother was going to make curry. She said that it was his father's favorite so she made it because it was going to be a very special day that day.

That day was the first time and last time she genuinely smiled.

"Kageyama-kun, we're here."

Snapping out of his daze Kageyama turned to look up at the supermarket they were in front of and stepped inside to the refreshing hair that hit them. Takeda dropped the umbrella and shook it a couple times to free it of any drops of water before grabbing a cart and placing it in the child's seat.

"Ready?"

Kageyama nodded and followed his teacher alongside the cart. They first stopped beside the vegetables and the raven watched as Takeda hummed to himself as he inspected the vegetables in front of him.

"What would you like to eat today? It's a special day so you choose."

Looking around the area Kageyama made a 360 before returning to the older male. "Curry."

"Ah, Curry, that's a good choice. Is it your favorite?"

He moved to shake his head but stopped himself short and instead nodded to the question. Takeda smiled and began looking around for vegetables to make curry. Kageyama pushed the cart as well as taking out the list of other groceries they were going to need for the rest of the week. As they walked past aisle and aisle Kageyama found himself falling into a different universe to distract himself from this boredom.

_He was five years old and outside of his house. His mother was inside making curry while his father was cue any minute now from work. Kageyama in the meantime was playing with one of the toy cars his mother bought him and was racing it around the sidewalk on an imaginary track. His mouth moved sporadically to make different kinds of car noises as he moved the small toy around._

_It was only seconds later that his father arrived with a tired look on his face._

_"Hi dad!"_

_"Hey sport, what are you doing there?" asked his father crouching down to his eye-level._

_"Playing cars!"_

_"That's nice. Say Kageyama, I have a surprise for you."_

_"A surprise! I want it!"_

_His father laughed and reached inside his bag. "It was a gift from one of the customers so make sure to take good care of it."_

_Kageyama nodded and let his small hands reach forward as his father took out a brown plush teddy bear from his bag. Kageyama gave loud noises of amazement and hugged the bear to his chest. "I love it!"_

_"That's good, I know you would."_

_As Kageyama hugged the bear to his chest and his father smiled at him it was then that his mother stepped out of the house to greet him._

_"Honey-"_

"Kageyama-kun?"

Jumping practically a foot in the air Kageyama noticed that his teacher was standing next to him with a carton of milk in his hands; a worrisome look on his face.

"Kageyama-kun, are you okay?"

Kageyama nodded and felt as if he had a moment of Deja vu.

"Okay, but if there's ever anything wrong you better ask me, okay?"

Responding with a mumble Kageyama began pushing the cart down the last aisle and towards the cash register. There he began placing the items on the conveyor belt one at a time as the cashier rang them up. His teacher soon paid for the items and grabbed the bags, as well as giving some to the younger, before stepping out and raising the umbrella up again. They both began walking down the street in silence as the rain patted down on them harder than before. Thunder boomed, but this time further into the distance causing Takeda to hurry Kageyama down the sidewalk.

The rain poured down harder.

_"Honey? Is that you?" His mother took a step out and greeted his father with a kiss on the cheek. Kageyama gave her a strange look but ignored her odd actions._

_"So what's for dinner tonight?" asked his father._

_"Well I made your favorite tonight; it's for a special occasion."_

_"Oh, what kind of special-"_

_At that moment the rain began to pour down on them. The conversation was cut there and Kageyama's father hurried inside as his mother took him by the hand and dragged him inside. In surprise the raven dropped his teddy bear and began to pull at his mother's hold to go back for it._

_"Teddy!"_

_"Later Tobio, it's raining."_

_As seconds passed the memory began to get even more vivid. He remembered his mother's hand that squeezed his arm a little too tight. He remembered the smile on his parent's face as they sat at the dinner table. The brief small talk passed between each other as Tobio chewed on his rice. He remembered the mood falling and the sudden flash of lightning outside. He remembered it all._

"Let's hurry before it gets any worse!" commanded Takeda.

Turning the corner Kageyama didn't have time to react as he spotted another blur of orange pass by his vision. Looking to the side his eyes immediately came in contact with golden orange before losing sight of those wide bulbs. Looking back to the road ahead of him he felt his heart began to pace erratically, the memory from that day struck him harder than before.

_"I want a divorce."_

It was the day his parents split. The day when things began taking a turn for the worse.

Now inside Takeda's apartment building Kageyama starting letting heavy breaths fall from his mouth. His chest expanded and contracted with each breath he took and his throat felt dry as ice. Dropping the groceries at the entryway Kageyama took one cautious step at a time towards the kitchen.

"Kageyama?"

_"You fucking bitch!"_

Opening one of the drawers he reached in and took out a large and sharp knife.

_"Don't touch me!"_

_"I gave you everything, and this is how you repay me!"_

"K-Kageyama, what are you doing?" His teacher's voice shook with great tremors.

_"Go die!"_

Raising the knife he stretched out his arm and began to scream. Takeda immediately knew what he was going to do and took hold of Kageyama's arm. He tried reaching for the knife but found that it was harder than expected when the other was a high school student who played a sport.

Kageyama simply screamed as if he was being tortured, one single repressed memory at a time.

"Stop this Kageyama!"

_"That bastard child!"_

Tears spilled like a waterfall and screams increased in volume and in anger. The knife was still held tightly in his arm, still raised up while his other lay sprawled on the counter for what was supposed to be the finishing blow. Kageyama was sure that his cries could be heard through the walls and by the neighbors, but he didn't care; all he wanted to do was scream his voice out and end it all.

"Why?! Why does this have to happen?!" his voice resonated through the walls alerting the whole building of this predicament. "I'm done! I don't want to do this anymore!"

Struggling to lower the knife Kageyama felt a harsh jab sent to his ribs causing him to lose his momentum and fall to the floor. It was at this moment that Takeda scrambled for the knife still in his hands. The younger's hold loosed just a bit helping Takeda snatch the knife away and out of hands reach. Kageyama knew this and began to scream even more. His voice begging to wear itself out and coming out in only hoarse howls. Jumping forward he tried to reach for the knife but was held back by his teacher.

"No Kageyama, you can't do this!"

His teacher held the knife behind him while Kageyama reached for it, but it was no use, but he wasn't done yet. Looking back to the drawer Kageyama scrambled to reach for another but suddenly felt his arms grabbed from behind. Taken into a hold he stopped his legs several times as he struggled to get free.

"Calm down Kageyama!" That voice, it was Ukai.

Kageyama did the exact opposite and thrashed around. He kicked his legs, thrashed his head and moved his body in all different ways. The screams that fell from his throat were gone, replaced by the slight whimpering of a raven setter.

"It's okay, just calm down."

Heavy breaths fell from his mouth, the tears fell and fell blurring his vison but the hold on him tightened. His thrashing began to lower to only slight kicks and spastic shaking; Kageyama was starting to understand that he could no longer do anything as long as Ukai and Takeda were here. His efforts were useless and there was nothing that he could do about it, so he became frozen in place and simply let his head hang as sobs spilled.

"Kageyama..."

Stepping forward Takeda told Ukai to let go of Kageyama despite his complaints and took the younger into his arms. He began hugging him and rubbing circles on his back to soothe him.

"It's okay, just cry as much as you want, let it all out."

Kageyama didn't nod but Takeda knew he was listening. He felt the younger's fingers clasp into his shirt and gave a smile as a sign of relief that he was finally starting to calm down. As Takeda calmed down Ukai began to tidy things up around the kitchen, his eyes lingering on the knife before placing it back in the drawer and slamming it shut.

Ukai lit a cigarette and Takeda comforted.

While thunder boomed in the distance Kageyama thought back to that blur of orange and felt a heavy pang in his chest.

Kageyama sobbed and yearned for those golden brown eyes.

The rain continued to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I moved so I didn't have the computer for a while then I had mid-terms then a took a small rest from mid-terms and that's how we're here now. Sorry it took so long, but I finally worte this. You have no idea how many times I had to rewrite this chapter because nothing was working for me, sorry if the end begins to break flow since it's been a while, I have to get back at it. Also, if the scene at the end doesn't seem realistic please inform me of any way to fix it. I've been behind on a lot of stuff and will try my best to fix any mistakes I or you guys spot as well as the ones from previous chapters which I haven't done yet.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading and I hope you enjoy.


	21. Chapter 21

It was there, the door right in front of him. Nothing was going to stop him. Not Takeda and not Ukai who were arguing in the bedroom.

"I'm telling you, you can't do this anymore! It's too much!"

"Don't tell me that, I want to help him, I want to save Kageyama!"

"I know you do, but you can't do this alone, it's too much for just one person! You were struggling just to get that knife away from him, who knows what might happen next time."

"He's traumatized Ukai, you can't blame him."

"That's-

Just him and the dark house. Just him and the 11 pills inside the orange pill bottle.

Orange.

The door was right there.

Taking one step at a time he reached forward for the door, fingers grasping the brass knob. He turned it ever so slightly and winced at the creaking noise it made. Light filtered through from the hallway and the arguing from the bedroom ceased. There was only quite mumbling.

Opening the door even more Kageyama took a step outside and felt everything begin to disappear from him.

It was just him and the orange pill bottle.

11 pills.

Orange.

Him.

He was going to do it. He was going to find him.

Find orange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters left. I planned this all out, everything is done and finalized. Only three chapters left. Next one will be pretty long and the last two mediumish. We're almost there, to the end.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.


	22. Chapter 22

The rain had finally let up after a couple of hours. The dew stuck to the corner of the leaves and the concrete on the streets held puddles that reflected the stars of the night sky. Walking aimlessly through the maze of houses and dead-ends was Kageyama Tobio; body shivering with each cool breeze of air and feet aching from walking barefoot against unstable ground. In his left hand he held an orange bottle of pills, gripping it like his life depended on this single object that meant more to him than the whole world.

His breaths came out in heavy pants and his cheeks were dusted pink from the excess amount of blood that ran up. His blue eyes scanned the area around him, squinting and trying to make out the silhouettes that surrounded him. All he could see was black and blue, and bright lights above him. The signs looked blurry and un-distinctable while the horizons of each path lead to an endless darkness which he could not look past. His hair stuck closely to his forehead and the tips of the hair that hung to his side would occasionally brush against his cheeks. The soles of his bare feet brushed against a pointy rock causing him to flinch for only a second before he continued down the road.

"Orange."

The streets were becoming darker and more incomprehensible. As Kageyama looked around he began to notice that the street and houses around him didn't seem familiar.

"Orange."

The moon above the sky lit around him before disappearing behind the clouds. In front of him stood a cat who stared at him with beady eyes before jumping above a trashcan and onto a concrete fence, soon disappearing before him.

"Hinata."

He stopped for a moment, eyes squinting up at the lamp post before looking down at his feet. Dirt and mud covered them from all around. Some small traces of red could be seen from the soles of his feet. He rubbed the back of them against the concrete to scratch an itch before freezing from another prick of a sharp object. Glass from a bottle lodge itself in his feet. He brought his foot up to take out the piece, and while doing so noticed the rest of the pieces lining up the wall near him.

Beer, it was from a beer bottle.

_"Useless piece of shi-"_

Immediately blocking out the memory he quickly took out the piece and placed his foot back down, raising the sole above the ground a bit and limping forward. The pill bottle in his hands trembled causing the pills inside to shake around and cause a ruckus. A dog from afar barked and the voice of a person broke through to silence it.

The wind picked up and blew a really harsh gust of wind towards Kageyama. He raised his hands to block away the dust and waited until the howling that blew past his ears to end before taking another step forward.

"Hinata."

In this cold and eerie night walked Kageyama Tobio, left hand holding a bottle of pills and body shivering under the cold. Cool breaths of air fell out of his mouth in puffs of white air as his eyes struggled to stay open. He limped down the street, the sole of his right foot bleeding while clumps of hair blew in swirls around his head. He felt miserable and sick. A large lump felt lodged in his throat and his head ached as if he was repeatedly being hit by a hammer. The back of his eyes burned and his left foot trembled with each step he took. He coughed and coughed until he felt like throwing up.

It was painful, so very painful.

"Hi-"

Saliva accumulated in his tongue but he swallowed it back. His nose felt stuffed and his vision once again blurred, but not because he felt tired. He felt his cheeks get wet and his eyes didn't feel dry anymore, but it just made him feel worse. The tears just continued to fall and fall without ever stopping. The sobs dared to fall out but he bit his bottom lip to keep them trapped. He used the back of his hand to hide his face, but still felt like he lay completely bare to the world.

To be frank, it brought back some memories.

_"Don't cry."_

_"Don't yell."_

_"Don't ask for help."_

_"Don't look at me like that."_

_"This is all for you, be grateful."_

_"I am your mother! You will do what I say!_ "

That house, that empty house with no doors no windows, just an empty house he was forever trapped in with no escape at all.

_"You useless piece of shit!"_

_"Why did I ever have you in the first place?!"_

_"Come one, just a few bucks, it won't matter."_

_"Go die!"_

That person, that person that made him suffer until he could no longer hope for any kind of love.

There was no one, here for him. No one he could count on, no one he could love. No one at all. He was just like a speck of dust in the wind, always moving but never finding a place to call home. Never finding a use for himself or ever being noticed by anyone.

_"Trash."_

He was-

_"I hate those eyes of yours."_

No-

_"Why are you crying?! Stop being a wuss!"_

Longer-

_"Why did I ever have you?"_

"Kageyama!"

The voice that broke through the silence; the voice that rang like the song of angels; the voice that encompassed him like a veil of warmth echoed throughout the whole neighborhood like a siren. That loud and boisterous voice etched itself in his heart and caused the tears to stop.

"-na-"

"Kageyama..."

"-ta."

"Kageyama."

The voice coated in different shades of orange and floating towards him like a beautiful melody.

"Kageyama."

Yeah, it was definitely this voice.

This person. His one and only-

"Hinata."

-True love.

It almost felt like years, maybe even centuries spent between both of them in the silence consisting of only heavy breaths and shifting feet. It was in that very moment that a small tap caused everything to come crashing down. First one step, then another, and then another and another. It continued on like this until feet slipped against concrete and Hinata sprinted forward to circle his arms around Kageyama's neck. The force of the impact almost caused Kageyama to fall forward, but Hinata held him tightly in place.

"Kageyama…"

The red-head's hand clutched his shirt tightly, so very tightly as if he wouldn't let go until the end of time, he held on until Kageyama could feel nails digging into his skin, as if to keep each other rooted in place for when the ground would suddenly collapse under them. Kageyama could feel the tuff of hair tickle the back of his neck and Hinata's face dig itself deep into Kageyama's back.

It fit perfectly. Hinata fit perfectly with Kageyama's form.

"Kageyama."

His name, slowly floating out of those soft lips he was familiar with and dancing along the pulsing wind made him want to sob. He wanted to sob and question everything that was happening around him. This all felt too unreal to actually be happening right before him.

Was Hinata really hugging him like the world was about to end?

Was Hinata really saying his name over and over again like a mantra that could exorcise away any evil?

Was Kageyama truly feeling his heart beat quicken and his lips go dry and his legs shaking and the weight of the pill bottle dislocating his arm; feelings that could be described as heaven?

"Kageyama."

Was this real?

"Don't… go…"

Yes, it was. Hinata was hugging him. Hinata was saying his name. Kageyama was in heaven. And he was most definitely not ever going to go away.

"Never…"

Suddenly he felt like the orange pill bottle was weighing him down. His hand ached from holding the object for too long and the palm of his hand burned as if he was holding something of sin. He quickly shoved the item into the pocket of his shorts and felt like everything was lifted from his shoulders.

Raising both his hands he placed them on top of Hinata's. The smaller quickly let go of Kageyama's shirt and tangled his hands along with Kageyama's, letting the raven hold him and etch his nails into his skin, into the very depth of his bones so that their skin could combine and they could become one with each other.

Kageyama wanted to desperately become one with Hinata. He never wanted to leave his side and continue to feel the beating of his heart and the shaking of his legs. He wanted to feel his stomach flip up and over, back and forward like a child on a trampoline and to be connected with his one and only sunshine.

This was truly a feeling of being alive.

"Kageyama."

"Hinata."

Ah, he truly, truly wanted to-

"Kageyama."

-Kiss Hinata.

* * *

The night was dark and the sky was full of stars. The dog which was barking not long ago had fallen silent and the wind continued to blow from all different directions.

"Kageyama…" There was hesitation in Hinata's voice, almost as if he was regretting the words that were going to fall out of his mouth.

"What?" Kageyama's voice was soft; he spoke in a silent whisper that no one but Hinata could hear.

Hinata shook his head. "Nothing… I love you."

Kageyama cried.

He cried like every single nerve in his body was being consumed by a burning fire that could not be put out. His body shook with great tremors and snot ran down to the top of his lip. Tears streamed down the side of his face and he licked his lips, tasting the saltiness of the fluids that dirtied his face even further. A joyous feeling pulsed through the veins of his body and warmed his heart to the very core. He felt like falling to the ground and screaming until his voice fell into a silent whisper, but stopped himself from doing so because it would destroy the silence he and Hinata had worked to keep.

"I love you."

"Y-yeah."

"I love you so much."

Kageyama nodded.

"More than the world, more than Natsu, more than mom and dad, and especially more than volleyball."

Kageyama desperately wanted to turn around and kiss Hinata, but was too embarrassed to show him his crying face.

"So no matter what, I'll always be here for you."

The pain in his body, the pain from his bleeding foot was gone. Everything was now white and silent.

"Let's go home Kageyama."

Kageyama nodded and used his hand to wipe away the snot and tears. He felt Hinata let go of his hands and whined in annoyance when his warmth left him for only a second, but sighed in relief when Hinata got next to him and used his body as support for Kageyama.

"Don't worry, I won't leave you." His smiled flashed through the light of the lamp post and illuminated the dark night like a shining star, like a bright sun that could never put out. The urge was stronger than before, Kageyama definitely wanted to kiss him more than ever before. It was like an itch he could never scratch. He wanted to do it so badly.

Taking one cautious step at a time Hinata began directing Kageyama down the street. Past the maze of houses and towards one familiar neighborhood he knew all too well. They passed the convenience store they always went to for ice cream on hot summer days. Passed the narrow alley where they found a litter of kittens one Monday morning. Past the tree that almost caused Hinata to break his arm because the redhead wanted to challenge his limits and climb it. And past the vacant park they would always stop by before reaching Hinata's house.

It was all familiar and nostalgic places that brought a warm smile to Kageyama's face.

"Hinata."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He just wished for all of this to last forever. To never go away and to forever repeat this moment until the day of his death.

"I love you."

Kageyama would forever etch this memory in his mind and remember it, even in his sleep.

"I love you."

Nothing would ever get in the way of this moment. Not anyone and not the orange pill bottle which weighed down in his pants with each step he took. It beckoned to him like a light house light and begged to be noticed as the pills scrambled back and forth like shaking rice.

"I love you."

Would the pills take him away from this reality?

"I love you so much," he said, leaning down and kissing Hinata on the lips.

Or would he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done, just two more chapters and then this will be all over. Sorry that it took so long to get out, stuff just happened and yeah. I was almost not going to get this out today because I accidentally deleted half of this without saving so I had to re-type it, but now it's here. I really don't have much to say but would an early sorry suffice for futre chapters? Well, we'll see what happens.
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my last comment on fic and I just wanted to say thank you all for reading this far. Thank you for your wonderful comments and thank you very much for your constructive critism. It really makes me happy to know that a lot of you enjoyed my fic and stuck by to read it to the very end. This is the second to last chapter and the last one will be uploaded tomorrow. There will be a sequel to this fic, it will be from Hinata's point of view and possibly a two-shot. I thank you very much again for reading this and hope you enjoy.

The drops of water that hit his body sound like the crisp leaves on the sidewalk when you step on them. He savors in the warm bliss that engulfs his body like a thin veil that repels any harmful substance that dared to get near him.

He takes his time washing every nook and cranny of his body, sighing in relief as he runs his hand over his tensed muscles and cut feet. The blood has stopped pouring out from his wounds but there is still a slight sting when he slowly scrubs at the sole with soap. He quickly drenches his whole body with water after he is done, shying away from the bathtub because of his urge to get out of the empty room as soon as possible.

Outside Hinata has already found a pair of clothing for Kageyama to wear, and blushes when he sees him wearing only a towel to cover himself. Hinata alerts him that he's already told his mom about him, leaving out a few details just to respect his privacy.

Kageyama is thankful of this and smiles. He puts on the clothes that Hinata set out for him, but takes just a while longer to put his clothes in the dirty hamper. He stares at his shorts for a long while before reaching into the pocket and taking out the bottle of pills. Hinata notices the orange bottle but says nothing about it.

Kageyama is glad he doesn't.

After Kageyama is done, Hinata takes him by the hand without warning and leads him down the hall to his bedroom. Kageyama isn't sure why but his pulse beats quicker than normal. He is sure that his hand is a higher temperature than what is normal and the feel of Hinata's palm against his is very comforting. He squeezes the hand in reassurance and gets a squeeze back, along with a gentle smile from Hinata. His blue eyes instantly fall to the floor with a goofy smile on his face.

He wonders if it's normal to feel like exploding right then and there.

Once they enter Hinata's room Kageyama is immediately awed by the millions of posters of volleyball players that litter his walls. It goes from one different player to another, from one country to the next that Kageyama is sure that his room has more diversity than most Japanese high schools. His eyes scan the small bookshelf filled with arts and crafts made by a six year old and his desk that has his uniform lazily thrown on it. He spots a white volleyball in the corner of the room and sees that his covers are sprawled all over the floor and bed.

He chuckles at the mess and personality of Hinata's room that matches him perfectly, but stops as soon as his lips curve when an object catches his eye. Stepping towards the bedside desk, Kageyama picks up a small ring holder used more for wedding rings and opens it up to see that nothing is inside. He looks to give Hinata a questioning look but notices that the redhead is one step ahead of him and flashes his hand with the plastic ring there.

"I didn't want to take it off," he says shily. His eyes fall to Kageyama's hands but quickly pull up when he doesn't notice the ring on it.

Kageyama regards Hinata's actions and almost drops the ring holder in shock. "S-Sorry, I lost it when my dad-" the conversation falls short when a painful memory resurfaces. Kageyama stares into space for several seconds before placing the box down and immediately planting himself down on the bed. He clutches his knees and begins to tap his feet repeatedly, eyes obviously glazing over.

He opens his mouth to say something but is shocked when a body sits right next to him, a small hand leaning forward with the occupant asking, "is it okay?" and Kageyama nodding before placing itself on top of his hand on his knee.

"Kageyama…" Hinata begins. "Do you remember that day in the rain a couple of months ago?"

The raven tries to recall but can't come up with anything.

"It's okay if you don't remember, I don't remember a lot about it either. I just wanted you to know that ever since that day I couldn't stop thinking about you. My heart would always go BUMP BUMP when you were around and I'd feel my legs get wobbly when you'd smile at me. I know you think I'm kind of a dumbass sometimes, but I knew what I was feeling. I knew what it was called when I wanted to hold your hand all day and kiss you on the lips until they got swollen and hug you like it was my last day on earth."

Kageyama's legs stop bouncing and his hand twists so that it connects with Hinata's. He was aware of what Hinata was about to say but still felt his whole body heat up like it was the first time he was hearing this.

"I love you, Kageyama."

Because no matter how many times Hinata says it, Kageyama will always feel like crying, doubting that any of this was ever possible.

"I know that you went through a lot, but I want you to know that you are still loved. There are people out there- there is someone here right now that truly loves you and wishes for you to be okay. I love you with all my heart Kageyama Tobio, so whatever you do, please don't think that you deserve any less of that, okay?"

Kageyama bites his lip and takes in a huge breath. He slowly turns to Hinata and nods with tears glistening in the corner of his eyes.

Hinata leans up and places a small kiss on his eyelids and squeezes his hand as leans to the side and places his head on Kageyama's shoulder, eyes closing and enjoying this single moment between both of them.

Kageyama does the same and smiles down at the redhead. His eyes trail to the pockets of the pants Hinata gave him but quickly averts his eyes.

Falling to the bed with Hinata following along, he gave the redhead the biggest smile he could muster and hugged him against his chest.

Yeah, this felt perfect.

This was a routine he would never ever want to give up.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, this is my last comment. So basically there's a reason why this chapter is all messed up and feels unfinished. There's a reason but it cannot be explained in this story, you'll have to read Hinata's side of the story which will be the sequel to this.
> 
> This chapter is where my past sorry was supposed to be. As well as a TRIGGER WARNING: incorrect use of prescribed drugs, or drug use.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading. You have all been very wonderful readers, I thank you for sticking by until the end and hope you also stick by to read the sequel.
> 
> Thank you and I hope you enjoy.

" _Hello."_

" _I love you."_

" _These pills here are for you."_

" _I love you."_

" _They'll make you feel better."_

" _I love you."_

" _You will no longer have to sick."_

" _I love you."_

" _Ever again."_

* * *

"Ever again…"

I am sick.

My mother neglected me.

My father abused me.

I am worthless.

I am sick and had to take medicine because of that.

I am worthless so I had to take the pills to get better. That's what the doctor said, right? If I doesn't take the pills I will get even more sick.

My father was sick. My mom was sick. If I didn't take the pills would I also be sick like my parents?

If I don't take the pills then I will get taken away. I will get taken away from Hinata.

Hinata. Orange. 11.

Hinata is bright and orange. The pill bottle of bright and orange. There are 11 pills. Only two more than me. They combined, they matched. this bottle was me and Hinata, Hinata and me. If I took the pills then I would always be with Hinata. Hinata would never leave me or get taken away-

I am sick. Kageyama is sick and had to take pills.

There was 11 pills.

_Kageyama Tobio._

_Twice a day by mouth._

He's supposed to take two a day by mouth.

So if I take all of them-

He would-

Be-

Even better-

Right?

Kageyama was no longer sick. He was healthy. Because he took the pills. All 11 of them. He was no longer sick. And would never get taken away. From Hinata. Ever. Again.

I was happy. I felt really happy and bubbly. My head spun like when on those roller coasters and his body felt all spazzy. This was because I am healthy. I am happy and healthy.

And no longer sick.

He no longer had to deal with abuse or neglect. Because I was no longer sick. He no longer had to be afraid, because I felt so happy that my vision started to blur.

No more sadness, just happiness. Always with the ones I loved, because I knew that they would never leave him like he'd never leave them.

He would always be with Hinata. His precious and most loved. The one person who would never leave him.

Because he wasn't sick, he was healthy.

Because I loved him. And would never leave him.

Because he loved him.

Forever.

Because this was Kageyama Tobio.

This was his routine.

And I won't let anyone get in the way of it.


End file.
